i can't sleep. need to blog my peace. realised that, alot of people, namely ___, has a lot of jobs now. prolly earning big bucks. u know what? yea, i'll prolly be envious at month end.. but what the hell? i realised because of work, i haven't been able to think like myself. i've been nothing but a monster filled to the brim with jealousy.. and all my emotions have been tied to that ball of jealousy. and it does make me temperamental, which makes me a fucked up friend and a sucky daughter. and i've been, nothing but a whiny person.. and the thing i hate most is to whine. it makes me all weak and needy and a parasite.
but thank god for this break. i know i've been whining about being soo bored and life having nothing to look forward to. i've been hanging out with friends, like alb.. reggie.. tf.. emsy.. and soon, sx.. morgan and the girls... and so on. and my brain can finally take a deep breath! no more smiling despite being miserable. no more pretending to be friends anymore. no more having to be infuriated by fucked up attitudes. at least for these few weeks. i feel like just.. stop working and slack the rest of my days. but i dont want my brain to go mouldy. so, i'll keep it going. plus i need to go "back to school" shopping soon. so need the money.
i dont care about ___. yea, maybe i do cus afterall, best friends for so long? yeah. u're really the first friend problem i've ever faced. i really can't be bothered with u. u call me when u need me and totally ignore the fuck out of me when u don't. wow. u know what i've never told u? u are a bimbo. u think that ur ideas are always correct. u totally "eeee" at people's ideas u dont think is good. hey, hello! its THEIR opinion, who are u to "eeee" at them? really insensitive? and the questions u ask are really eyes-rollingly pathetic, but i never despise them. but u THINK that u are SMART. thats what bugs me. u're not. and when people tell u things, u sway. i know i sway too, but u... u just change 180 degrees without even thinking if what the person has decided for herself is suitable for u. and u start making noise. unnecessary noise. and then, later, when i tell u to think about it and u think for urself, u realise its not correct for u ... have a goddamn mind of ur own. and ur bf.. i used to think u guys were perfect. he, is worse than garbage. fucking fucking worse than an ogre. i'd rather be an old maid and a virgin for THE REST OF MY LIFE assuming i'm going to live 100 years on this planet, than to even be his friend! what kind of shitty fucked up bf tells u that he stopped loving u years ago. and u still gave him a chance? i used to sympathize with u. but now, im washing my hands of u. cus i've realised that u are only making use of whoever u need. remember u were the one who started hating C? then in the end, after influencing the whole group of us to hate her, u suddenly became her best friend? wow. i dont mind being the scapegoat.. and i've no regrets letting her knw that i dun really like her. its just u... really really ... fucked la. seriously. u realised that u dont really have friends, do u? u only have ur bf. then me. then ocassionally, u need a listening ear and u complain to the group. plus the only person i'd ever see u msg, is him and ocassionally, people from ur workplace. u do realise that, don't u? i pity u. because u always see things in such a narrow point of view. u think what u know is alot and u think thats all u need to know. u dont even know who michael phelps is?! i feel sad for u. because life is actually bigger than u think and because u think u know it all and u refuse to.. learn anything else outside ur course of studies, u are not able to appreciate it. i know i sound like my life is perfect.. and as if im a know-it-all. im not. no one is. i'm just telling u what i HONESTLY think of you. blah. seriously. all the best to u. theres no more M to help u in the future. im sure u'll find someone who will. but good luck on that, because u're not getting any votes from me. the end.
fuck. now im filled with anger. blah! gonna try ta sleep. shit.
No comments:
Post a Comment