heyhey! headed to pixar exhibition ytd with benny. haha. have been wanting to go and it was good. it would have been better if i actually slept earlier the night before. it was super amazing to actually learn how the animation actually worked behind the scenes and to see how the magicians actually can create something so magical. but the sad thing was there was only a teeny weeny section on UP. which is the one i was most looking forward to. Up is the bestest animation film i have ever caught. i would say, after shrek and tarzan. the storyline and the characters are hard to forget. little dialogue but unforgettable scenes. russell will forever be the cutest boy i'll ever know! hahhaa. after that, headed to swensons for dinner and went home. watched tv and then chatted with friends awhile and headed to bed.
woke up today at about 1pm. watched price is right. LOL. what better way to start a day than to listen to drew carrey's hearty laughter and voice the moment i woke up [: made some cup noodles. then went to pack up my poly notes. well, clearing up the last of what reminds me of my SP campus life and putting them into the blue recycling bag really is nostalgic. SP will be the best thing that has ever ever happen to me. packed some notes for Georgey boy. put in my sweet valley books according to book number into the box and now its neat and tidy in a corner. also prepared rough paper stack for SIM. past exam papers printed on one side.. notes too. haha. ok, i now need to stock up on random stationery to be fully equipped for my road to university. i really feel less excited as i used to think i would have for university. but my goal would be to: get out of UOL with a degree and hopefully with merit and pursue a masters hopefully in london. and when i come out, i wanna work and earn alot of money with decent breaks per year for me to travel to every single city featured on the weather reports. [: thought about it well and well. whether im going to go these cities alone, with friends, with good friends, with family or just people who share similar interest, i will travel to a different city every single year! so, at least now, i do have something in life to look forward to. plus, im following quite a few travel bloggers on twitter. so nice to see them blog about something new they've seen and heard everyday. i would very much wanna do that. whether i'm exploring a city, or the suburbs, or countryside, i wanna do that very very much. [:
which leads me to the title of this blogpost as well as my current tweet - a horse at heart. i've thought through it last night and actually alot of times, i actually think through it. do i really wanna be attached? for more than half my teenage life, i have been pursuing dreams of having a good boyfriend. steven being the longest standing crush of my life. haha. 3 years. brian shohei teo remains the best catch i will ever have a crush upon. sly will be the best date and the most perfect chemistry guy i've ever met although he was a fucking jerk in the end. tommy will also be one of the unforgettable guys i'll ever know.. i know it isn't alot. i've got friends who only had 1 guy in their entire lives. and i have known people, very close people, who will have more steads thus far than i will ever have in my entire life. we always chase for girls and boys with the image of happily ever after and for that someone who will love us just the way we are. like mr darcy. i am to, who wouldn't. but as someone very wise (you know who you are) reminded me, love goes both ways. i am lucky to ever have loved and been loved once before, although it was a very brief period. but i guess what im looking for, is that again. through these guys in my life and because of age itself, i would dare say that i've slowly learned to become less and less dependent on them. i daresay that right now, i am very happy to be on my own. i have wonderful friends surrounding me. i have a goal in my life now. i have a very loving family who loves me. everyday, i fill my life up with the happiness bgr can't give. don't i wanna have a change and see what life can give me? well. not at the moment. im really loving it the way it is. i have hardly anything to complain about. yeah, i will definitely be envious of my friends and their hot/loving boyfriends. but i guess, i dont really hate complaining about such stuff. everyone has resentment, in a relationship or not. sometimes we work so hard to achieve something and before we even enjoy the rewards, we want to go higher. like when i go on holidays, when we took about half an hour to climb the hill, we only look at the breath-taking view for 10 minutes and everyone were in a rush to get down to go off to some other place. so i guess, to put it in that context, i'm just spending a longer time looking at the breath-taking view before coming down. like today, just kicking back, planning for nathan's surprise birthday dinner, watching random tv shows while making comments out loud, blogging, eating the magnum ice cream in the fridge, sipping the hot green tea beside me makes me relaxingly happy. it isn't heart-beat racingly happy. but i love this. honestly. im not trying to sugar coat my life. lol! because i have been raised in a very strict and uptight family environment, i always look forward to freedom and being carefree. i do believe that having horse as a zodiac has a lot to do with this too. maybe, i love the feeling of running down a never ending meadow by nature. but having cooped up in this urban, concrete jungle that i am, in this closely monitored, controlled family, i treasure my freedom. right now, at 20 years old and slowly able to taste my freedom in bite sizes, i don't think that right now, i would wanna belong to anybody. i don't wanna belong to another person. maybe i'll change my mind when i grow up. but i just wanna belong to me. right now, im too selfish to love anyone at the expense of my freedom. some might say, its ok, just let me love you. but u see, in my opinion, love is to love and be loved in return. if i don't wanna love, i don't wanna be in any relationship. not anytime soon for sure. i'm having a good time just doing the things i want, hanging out with the people i love, reading the things that i wanna read and stuff like that. just doing the things i mentioned BECAUSE I WANT TO, and not because i was told to or obliged to. see.. i hate to be forced to do things. i really hate that feeling. i will still do it but it will not be the best i can do. i'll just do it mediocre-ly to get it over and done with. i do my best only when i wanna do it myself. just like in primary school, when my mum used to force me to do maths tuition. i hated it. when mrs neo caned me, i hated it. but when i went on to sec school and i was slowly inspired by Mrs V. to love maths, i did well in Math because i wanted to practise on my own accord. i realise that everytime some guy comes into my life, he will just turn my world upside down and i always fail to feel like myself anymore. i always cannot remember how it feels to be me when they come in. THIS is me. this is who i am. right now, on this couch, the feeling that surges in and out of my heart. that is me.
this isn't a random post. its just that, i feel that, if i do not blog about this now, i don't know if i'd ever have the time to do so... but recently, alot of things happened. not just to me, but to friends and friend's friends. singletondom isn't as bad as i used to think it was. i'm still young. and i still have alot i want to do. even if i don't ever meet another guy who will make my heart be alive again, i still have myself to rely on. yes, ocassionally, i'd run out of energy. but when that happens, i know i have friends and family and things around me to give me the power to re-charge and move on. the bridget in me will always stay alive. [:
can't wait to bitch at the beach with reggie baby and send chantel off on friday!! might be staying at Festive hotel on saturday and just chillout on sunday i guess. then its work work work all week and then, school school school. and then, holidays. and then, schooling proper. ok. shall shower and make have pek lian's handmade rice dumplings for dinner. i must fast tomorrow. kushinbo buffet and popeyes-ing on friday. OMG. fuck. gonna gym. fuckfcuk. ciao~ [:
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