to alb,

just when u complimented about me having a life during our frog-legg porridge session with sx.. my april is like this:

odd dates (e.g. 5/7/11/13..) - working for universal studios
even dates (e.g. 6/8/10/12..) - work for parents.

the worse part.. if the even falls on a sat, and the odd falls on a sun, i basically work 7 days for that week. lol!

woke up at 7am today to go work for parents. FUCKING CUI can. really cant even stay awake. then got chided ALOT from my parents about "see? told u sleep early.. blahblahblah". so it worsens the day basically. damn damn damn sian laaaaaaaaaa.

no-lifer shirley is back. say hi.

It sucks to be me

"door·mat

   /ˈdɔrˌmæt, ˈdoʊr-/ Show Spelled[dawr-mat, dohr-] Show IPA

–noun

1.

a mat, usually placed before a door or other entrance, for people arriving to wipe their shoes on before entering."

well, it really sucks to be me at this point. totally clueless about where life takes me. have been working at dad's place yesterday and today and the only accomplishment i have done: fixed my pair of jack union pumps. [inserts a standing ovation here]. and i am only good at talking about other people. i really just need to get this off my chest:

FUCK U LA RIS LOW (click on her name to see her blog). when life sucks me in the balls, u really have to piss me off by going into my favourite radio station of mine since sec 1, and chase rozz away?!!! she's one of the coolest djs .. why can't u chase soo or desiree lai? go and die la! i really dont care that u teach people safe sex. or that u're fat. or that u cant speak good english. i didnt even care when u were ms universe singapore. BUT IT BUGS ME WHEN U'RE ON 987FM.fuck offfffffff!!!!!! and get rozz back to bitch! omg. pls la. have some goddamn humility! u are a girl eh! and now, u are the laughing stock in town! i dont even know how u walk down the streets anymore? where the goddamn fuck is ur reputation? idk. just GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RADIO STATION LA! damn pissed. for rozz. for me. fuck!

ok. so, i am just capable of telling people off when im no good myself. i am a doormat. i am an aimless person just being pulled around like a puppet by her parents. they dont do that directly, but whatever choices i took, whatever decisions i make, their happiness ALWAYS haunt me. i want to tell them something which they will say "hey, im proud of u". it HAUNTS ME. fuck. they have done such a good job in raising me, the image of them being disappointed HAUNTS ME. big time. i mean it.

it really sucks to be me, doesn't it? oh well, what choice do i have? im in a mood where im so tempted to get a damn air ticket, fly to switzerland, lead a life afresh where im not known, and just run to the mountains everyday, yoddle-ing. maybe meet some handsome swedish pilot boyfriend who will marry me, and we will lead our lives according to the lyrics of "you needed me by Boyzone"
You Needed Me

Boyzone

I cried a tear
You wiped it dry
I was confused
You cleared my mind
I sold my soul
You bought it back for me
And held the earth
You gave me dignity
Somehow you needed me

You gave me strength
To stand alone again
To face the world
Out on my own again
You put me high upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me
You needed me

I can't believe it's you
I can't believe it's you I needed you
And you were there
And I'll never leave, why should I leave?
I needed you & I finally found someone who really cares
(You needed me)

You held my hand
When it was cold
And I was lost
You took me home
You gave me love
That I was at the end
I turned my life
Back into truth again
You even called me 'friend
You gave me strength
To stand alone again
To face the world
Out on my own again
You put me high
Upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me
You needed me
You needed me
You needed me
Oh, yes, you needed me
You needed me

then we can have 5 children and a colourful little house by the country facing the lake.. and everyday i make nice pancakes for them for breakfast, clean and dust the house, go to colourfully-painted markets with overly-cheerful butchers smiling at me, go to my neighbour's house and share secrets to making the perfect cranberry pies, and write some novel about children/ nursery rhymes/ cooking/ chic lits in my spare time, wait for my husband to come back at 6pm sharp, remove his coat, prepare his dinner, cook for the kids, ask how their day was, feeling accomplished when their days turn out well, and try to be a good listening ear when they have had a bad day, go to bed with him after tucking the children in and telling them their favourite bedtime stories and start the day again like that until i die.

yup, believe it or not, the wanna-carve-a-good-career-so-can-support-self-and-lead-a-colourfully-luxurious-life-with-nice-apartment-and-good-car-and-can-travel-widely-when-she-becomes-an-old-maid-for-life Shirley Lim does have little dreams like that. i guess deep down, all women in the world have that little dream. oh well. going to bed now. fuck u ris low. and gonna work for parents tomorrow. not so bad la. bye!

I'm going to post random givesmehope.com posts to jut share it with you guys.

1. "I had my first kiss today.I'm 58 and I've never been happier."

2. "Today, I was at my little bro's guitar recital.It was filled with mostly children performers until an elderly man, about 60 years old, came up on stage to perform his recital piece - a simple children's song. Even though he made multiple mistakes, he still stuck to it until the end.Knowing it's never too late to learn something new GMH."

3. "In 1938, Nicholas Winton helped 669 Jewish kids escape certain death from the Nazis. They became known as Winton's children. 22 survivors, now aged 70, went to see Winton again. He is 100 and his family of survivors has swelled to 7000. They're all alive because of him. Love and 7000 lives GMH. "

4. "A year ago, I was raped by someone I thought was a friend. Today, my three month old daughter Adria and I spent our first Christmas together. Knowing that good can come from even the worst circumstances, when you least expect it, GMH. "

5. "When I was 13, a bunch of girls decided to lock me into the gardening house. Little did they know the sprinklers poured down, drowning me, leaving me scared, wet and crying. A boy punched through the glass and carried me to the school nurse, even with a bleeding, broken hand. My now-husband's courage GMH"

6. "Today i got a text from my boyfriend instructing me to go into my bedroom for 15 minutes. When he text me to come out again, i walked into a flood of pink balloons. He told me he'd blown up all 730 of them by himself -- one for each day I've fought cancer. His amazing soul GMH."

7. "My husband is deployed and I am 2 weeks in of being a 'single' mom of 2. I was in the bathroom having a cry, since I refuse to let my kids see me upset. I walked out and my 3yr old hugged my legs, looked up at me, and said "I miss daddy too... We can cry together." My 'baby's' love for me and his Dad GMH "

im so silly. i thought i was alone. but i wasn't. many thanks, especially to albert.. for your frog leg porridge therapy. thanks for sharing the guy's perspective on stuff. my "tong lei" is one lucky girl (u know what i mean). and thanks sx, for being there to listen to me.. and for lorr, lionel, aunt and uncle daniel, thanks for making today easier to pass. haha. especially when gugu said, that she loves to have me join them for lunch! MEE TOO! im so touched eh! omg. thanksss. really. [[=

love u guys to max can?

Empty - the click five

Tried to take a picture
Of love
Didn't think I'd miss her
That much
I want to fill this new frame
But its empty

Tried to write a letter
In ink
Its been getting better
I think
I got a piece of paper
But its empty
Its empty

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

And I've even wondered
If we
Should be getting under
These sheets
We could lie in this bed
But its empty
Its empty

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

Oh oh
Oh oh
Oooooh
Oh oh
Oh oh

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

We're empty
We're empty

Or will we end up getting hurt
Is this love a myth
So tell me are you in for this
There's so much more than we can see
More than you
More than me
It takes two to believe!

Maybe it's our first mistake
And baby that's alright
It's crazy how we lost ourselves tonight
Maybe it's our first mistake
And baby that's alright
It's crazy how we lost ourselves tonight
There's a reason why they say that we should give it time
But time is not enough
And that's the reason why when you're young you fall in love

And that's the reason why
When you're young you fall in love [2x]

hi. let's just say i had a brief encounter with death last night. last night went to stayover at lorr's place after meeting brandon. and i wasn't feeling well, sorethroat and all right? then ya, those who do know how bad my tonsilitis are.. they will lead to asthma attack. and last night, cus somemore slept in aircon room, i had an asthma attack at abt 2am. it was scary. i couldn't breath and i didnt wanna cough .. i didnt wanna disturb my aunt. so i quickly ran to the loo to try and cough out and do breathing exercises. the phlegm got stuck and i was hugging the toilet seat, puking. and i just cried. i felt better, but breathless still. i looked myself in the mirror.. and boy, i looked shagged. from life. i never admit that im tired. i do admit that im sleepy, but just never admit that im tired. i always wanna fill my life up with stuff. so that i wont ever get bored. but i've been doing it for almost a year now, and its tiring. im pimply, eye-bagged, puffy, fat, disgusting-haired. no wonder i am still on the shelf.

i have been leading the most uncommonly weird life over the past years. i always never sleep earlier than 1am. im always in bed at 2, 3am.. which explains why i never concentrate in class. and i stay up not to study, but to.. do nothing. just watching videos, see other people's fb profiles, envying them and their big social circles and hawt boyfriends. i dont know why? its pathetic.. my life. not meaningful. after doing the yearbook, i practically have been doing NOTHING productive. after sly left me, i have never dared to stand up alone. remember the days when i used to watch movies in the cinema alone.. went shopping alone and still be all chirpy about it? I HAVENT BEEN DOING THAT FOR AGES. in fact, i just thought to myself, what a loner i was. but i guess, i need to be independant. independant of friends, boys, parents.

anyway, i went to bed last night, hardly even able to breath. lets just say that, when u have an asthma attack, if you don't make yourself breath, you will kinda not breath? i was scared.. i thought of teresa teng, remembered that she died of asthma. i didnt have my huff and puff with me. i just.. don't know how, but i pull myself up and dozed off. but it was so hard.. because i woke up with like.. a punctured lung. and i had to fake that im ok, so as not to worry my uncle and aunt. so once in a while, i'll take a big mouthful of air and try to look normal, when im not. haha. but its alright. i dont want them to worry.

and, i guess i have proven myself right ONCE AGAIN. i knew that i will never ever fit when it comes to relationships and love. i was naive. after sly's case, i never learn! i still thought... wow, this might be it? but yup. love, in reality, is for good looking or lucky people. (this is purely my thoughts la. so don't come and shoot me) .. i guess, i was really looking for another person who would make my heart race .. like sly did. thats why i have been derailed from life and been busy searching high and low for that person. and when someone offered his love on a silver platter, i grabbed it without consequences. but, well, it was just another cycle. lol! naive shirley ar. no one is to be blamed. honestly, i should have known my limits. everytime such things happen, i always have reggie to depend on. but nw, reggie's not here. she was right anyway. i was right too. i was just hopping for some guy to prove me wrong. but i guess, im sooo wrong. up to this point, i'm gonna just sit back already. screw love. what the hell is that? feel like joining renee zellweger in her march for "down with love". im too tired for another roller coaster ride. from now on, no more relationships until i can feel assured. no more "trying out". in fact, im not going to go for it anymore. fuck it all. i need a break. i know im desperate because after seeing all my friends having such wonderfully sweet bfs, i long for someone to wish me good morning everyday, goodnight every evening, wondering how my day was, making sure im a good girl when im sick, being concerned if i went clubbing.. but its alright. i can do all these myself. or with my friends. im so silly. always thinking that only guys can do that. hahah.

anyway, really hope everything's fine with reggie. heard thailand's a big mess now. ]= worried for her leh.

this is probably gonna be a new phase in my life for me. i didn't write new year's resolution this year, and i guess if there can't be a better time than now to start writing a resolution for myself at this point of time:

1. always set priorities right. whatever that has to be done first, will and must be done first.

2. be committal. i am always the first to wanna try things, but i never ever stick of the end of it. eg. driving, wearing contacts..

3. read the papers everyday. at least be in touch with current affairs

4. write at least 2 topics on public blog. about anything.

5. read up more on politics. maybe get an issue of forbes/times etc

6. set $50 at least aside as savings every month

7. give 10% of whatever salary to parents. start practising this habit..

8. stop any online dating. fuck them all.

9. for at least 4/7 days a week, must sleep by 11pm max.

10. can only buy books after reading those have already bought.

11. pick up a new skill

12. at least 3 times a week must do cardiovascular activities

13. change hairstyle.

14. must have at least 1 day a month, where i go out on my own. just on my own.

15. learn to cook a new dish every month! and blog abt it!

16. finish reading the twilight series

17. start watching a new drama serial (glee? gossip girl?)

18. get a tattoo. wee~

19. club at least 2 more times before the year ends! WEE~

20. try a new club!

21. be the fashionista i used to (in my opinions) be!

22. get the goddamn national geographic book!

23. complete L4d2 maps in normal mode.

24. be purely happy for people. and not tinted with envy. just pure happy.

25. go back to yoga?

26. cycle to changi village from ecp at least 2 more times!

27. rent a damn car and drive arnd sg just for the fun of it!

28. discover more fun stuff to do in sg. im pretty sure there are more than what i think there is.


hmmmmmmmmm. i guess thats it? will fill them up again. ok. welcome back, shirley. welcome back.

happy new year, shirley!

love is overrated.

is it not?

i guess i got all caught up in this whole thing is because i just kinda crave the attention. but i guess for me, the spark is important. haha. hmm, but there really wasn't any sparks between us. watching "when in rome" and "7 days".. i guess thats probably the chemistry i'm looking for? i know my looks are not of felicia chin or jaymee ong's or kristen bell's standards. so im not looking for Josh Duhamel or Frank's looks? i guess .... its the sparks la. hahaha. i kinda knew that we werent really for each other.. cus i didn't really exactly feel the way i felt with sly.. hahaha. oh well. guess im not gonna poke my nose into the business of cupid's. anyway, who asked me to swear off love the other time.. lol! i actually swear to not fall in love for a year if i could pass AFA that time. and.. its about half a year since. so.. yup.

but yeah.. hmmm.. i actually have had lots to blog about.. mainly thoughts. but now, dont really have the mood to post. hahahhaa. fuck. wanna club.

weirdly, through all these, kinda miss fred perry boy!! hahahaha. but oh well. he's just a passing stranger. lalala.

Hey.. gosh! omgomgomg. so excited! firstly, wow to technology!


this is what im talking about! its UV tattoo or invisible tattoo! ok, those of u who have known me.. knows i wanna get a tattoo, right? and knows that i wanna put a tattoo "乐" on my back, right? and knows that there are 2 things stopping me:

1. money
2. parents

now, with this uv tattoo... omg. its so awesome.. the 2nd obstacle is gonna be GONE! i am gnna tattoo on my wrist. maybe i might tattoo my name! OMG! feels good. i mean, im not even the "expressive"type of person. im doing this for myself. so i jsut need to.. know it myself. so nw, only prob is item #1. which, can be worked out.. since i have a job! so.. OMG!!! heeeheeeeee. freakking awesome or what?! ok. shirley ishhhh back!

ok.. secondly.. just a quick update. job training is overrr! i got my uniform. which is blue shirt, and beige berms.. and black shoes.. and white socks that has to be.. few inches above ankle.. the primary school-ish kind? gosh! geeeeek. haha. so, anyway, we visited our workplace - universal studios.


it was eggciting at first. cus we were only brought in to try our wardrobe first.. then lunch, then tour around. so we couldnt wait to see.. then when we got the chance.. it was sooo humid inside. i think thats the only flaw. but ya.. then it rained. lol! got drenched.. but it was better than being sweaty. lol! and we saw joanne peh. OMG. she's literally immortal. her skin.. is luminous. literally. her bf is hot! super pei. and she is really.. damn damn damn charismatic. walaooo. really. i need to learn to be that lor! haish. ok. anyway.. i die die also must take the following rides:

1. Battlestar galactica - both human and cylon
2. Return of the mummy!

and all the other rides! i wanna be thrilled!!! hahaha.

and made alot of new friends too!

then met brandon for dinner at far east plaza. had quite a nice time. Grafitti cafe's wanton mee is love lor! then just walked around until its time to head back. gosh. feel like subscribing to forbes. x= cus we went kino and i saw.. lol! then reached home.. and chatted with alb. then went to bed.

today.. woke up with a bad bad sore throat. really couldn't speak. supposed to meet amanda they all to go career fair.. but was too cui to go. so told them to call me if they need help instead. rested. ate maggi mee. then i miraculously (or thankfully for my own anitbiotics) .. that i can speak again. so, headed to airport to meet ttengy to send reggie veggie off!!! ]= gonna miss her to bits!!!!!!!!! no daily convos with her for 4 days!??!!? sian. i was lying to reggie that i cant make it cus gotta work. then.. ttengy saw reggie.. then we walked seperately.. so i was supposed to walk like im a random passerby. lol! then reggie saw me and she was surprised. [= then we went up to meet with glad, hy, irene.. saw reggie's mum and sis. then her bro and gf came. then ariel came with her dad. hahaha. headed to popeyes. since sore throat.. only had mashed potatoes and biscuit. x= gosh. throat feeling worse. x= then we sent reggie veggie and ariel off. bon voyage girls~

then went fep with ttengy. to cut fringe. really damn damn buay tahan my fringe already la! really too long. so, went to chop it back to my short fringe. but now, idk why.. but my hair is rectangle. ]= jenzson is the cure! then we walked around. saw ALOT OF LOVES!!!!!!!! esp rings! chio chio rings! omggggggg. where's my munnnny!!! ]= then we headed to f21. sooooo many more nice loves there lor! gahh.. sigh. where do i conjure so much money ar? hahaha.

yup. thats it. plans ahead:

sat - meet up with brandon
sun - meet up with alb
mon - meet up with lessie
tues - am i supposed to go sch with ade on this day?/pack wardrobe
wed - am i supposed to go sch with ade on this day?/pack wardrobe
thurs - dunno/ reserved for mor~
fri - dunno/ reserved for mor~

and.. stuff i need to buy before buying unncessary stuff

1. sunblock [for work]
2. hair conditioner
3. get a professional picture of me taken [for work]
4. white socks [for work]

ok. yup. bought foundation today. couldn't stand being so insecure lor. x= i know im superficial la. whatever. hahaha! aye! gonna rest now. throat is damn irritating!!!!

Takin' Back My Love lyrics
Songwriters: Iglesias, Enrique; Khayat, Nadir; Storm, Frankie;Go ahead just leave, can't hold you, you're free
You take all these things, if they mean so much to you
I gave you your dreams, 'cause you meant the world
So did I deserve to be left here hurt?

You think I don't know you're out of control
I ended up finding all of this from my boys
Girl, you're stone cold, you say it ain't so
You already know I'm not attached to material

I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love
I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love
My love

Yeah, what did I do but give love to you?
I'm just confused as I stand here and look at you
From head to feet, all that's not me
Go 'head, keep the keys, that's not what I need from you

You think that you know
(I do)
You've made yourself cold
(Oh yeah)
How could you believe them over me, I'm your girl

You're out of control
(So what?)
How could you let go?
(Oh yeah)
Don't you know I'm not attached to material?

I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love
I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love

I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love
I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love

So all this love I give you, take it away
(Uh, uh huh)
You think material's the reason I came
(Uh, uh huh)

If I had nothing would you want me to stay
(Uh, uh huh)
You keep your money, take it all away

I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love
I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love

I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love
I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love

I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love
I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love

Ooh, my love
(I'm taking back my love)
Ooh, my love

its a good song.

it sucks to be demoralised. my parents kept probing me about my future. mum said that my grades sucked and asked if i got work hard or not. well, to be honest, i didnt. so i'm not blaming them. but they kept asking and asking. i was quite frustrated at one point i just walked away. then they keep repeatedly asking what my plans were and told me to just get into any course i can with the public uni. i mean, ya.. 3 is indeed a sucky gpa.. but ... haiya. just very frustrated. sleepy also. sian la. at least hope that universal studios would make me feel better. i'd better settle my uni apps asap also. its like.. zzz. totally. gosh la. dun even have the mood for poker. going to bed now. fffuuucccckkk. now i know how gerald feels. sian.

COURSE

DIPLOMA IN ACCOUNTANCY

STAGE

3B

MODULE CODE	MODULE	CREDIT UNITS		GRADE
BA1013	ADVANCED FINANCIAL ACCOUNTING II	3		B
BA2036	INTERNATIONAL TRADE FINANCE & DOCUMENTATION	5		B
LC0713	COMMUNICATION SKILLS FOR BUSINESS	3		B+
BA0201	UNDERSTANDING CROSS CULTURAL DIVERSITY	3		B+
BA1016	MANAGEMENT ACCOUNTING II	3		D+

Semester GPA:	2.912
Cumulative GPA:	3.074

well, what more can i say? its a slight drop from my previous semester.. but it has been the best gpa out of the past 4 semesters. so, im quite proud of myself.. and at the same time.. just pure relieved that i can graduate. haha. so now, its uni apps time!

i have been doing universal studios training for the past 3 days.. and it has been fun! though because its held from 8.30am.. it makes me very sleepy. so i did sleep through the lectures. yeah, there were lectures. on the history and background of universal studios and how to do the "universal studios" standard of service. it isn't easy! really. gosh. in fact, im really quite scared. gosh. i've got my nametag and id badge. i don't really dare post it on my blog, cus god knows if they'll sue me or what. but, yup.. tomorrow's uniform fitting! i dont even know what uniforms i'll be having .. hahaha!! but those who are kaypoh.. maybe can show u when u guys come by my place or wad!! but I'M GOING TO UNIVERSAL STUDIOS TMR!!! OMG. I WISHED WE CAN GO ON THE RIDES! ESP BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. AND RETURN OF THE MUMMY! hahahhaa! it makes me feel proud to be one of the pioneer batches of casuals to work at uss! woot!

yup. ok la.. was watching this jap movie, called "the class and the pig" .. v v touching. the storyline is this teacher, he wanted to teach his students about the importance of life and about what they eat. and so, he brought this piglet to class one day, and told the class of 6 graders that they will raise the pig and eat it. the class of course, at the sight of the kawaii pig, all agreed to raise it. then in the end, everyone couldn't bear to kill the pig. they built this cute house for the pig and called it "P chan". but yea.. wont spoil the ending.. but very touching show.

i've been sleeping before 12 these few days. but im still sleepy as ever! gosh. yup. omg. im nervous eh, to work for uss!!! its so.. major! lol! like .. wow. but yeah, i guess i need to step out of my comfort zone once in a while!

can't wait for saturday either. haha. hmm. and maybe friday night too. not sure still on nt? lol! but yeah. nice to be at hm! going for a short nap. then gnna wake up and shower. and then, gnna watch tv and then sleep. and wake up to a looooooooooooooooong day tmr! byee~

hmm. its kinda nice having someone by yourside in your everyday life.

If there were more Wu Fu in the world

Was watching the new channel 8 drama 五福到 (eng title: the best things in life) and how i wished i could be as simple as him. i mean, he doesn't think twice before helping his friends, he gets happy over the simplest things and his love for someone is so pure, there isn't any motive. i know he is just a fictional character and it is probably hard to ever find another guy so simple like wu fu. and honestly, most singaporean girls won't like him. he's too simple, doesn't have a steady job, isn't really good looking, too simple, too naive for a guy and the list goes on.. but then again, his flaws have turned into his strength, because he possesses something most modern city boys don't.. and that is innocence. through his innocence, you can count on him that his sweet words are real and heart-felt and you know that you can rely on his words to live on your life with him. and his intentions are simple. but where do you find such simple minded guys these days? and when we do, we call them "sua gu" (or ignorant). So, why can't everyone else be like him? the world will be a much much better place to live in! no more over suspicion. no more being skeptical about someone's good intentions. no more broken promises. no more heartbreaks. no more scandals. just a world filled with pure hearts and salted fishes. i guess i'm just rambling on about something really really lame eh? hahah. but it's just a little thought.



here's a little diagram i've come up with. you see, the red line is the external environment that is going everyday - the crazy financial climate, the random ups and downs in your life, the influence your peers have on you, the random happiness you find, the random sadness you encounter.. they are averaged out and assumed into that red line. from Wu fu's perspective, because he isn't exposed to the real world, though his happiness comes from simple simple sources, it makes him happy. you see, we are all greedy. there can never be enough to satisfy our happiness. and as for WuFu, it takes little (compared to the city goers) to brighten up his life whereas because we are so so exposed to the everyday level of happiness and we are so prone to social comparison, we never seem happy enough. you see, only when good things happen, we smile. that's too practical, isn't it? i mean, wu fu is probably happy over the small things in life. but sadly, when we are so used to the big city life, small things can no longer satisfy our big appetites for sources of happiness. i guess, thats because his happiness comes from within, so it takes little to make him happy. but as for us, we rely alot on the external environment (e.g. winning our friends when social comparing) - eg. money, materialistic wants satisfied, having a better boyfriend, having a boyfriend, having cool friends, having the better grade, having the better career .. to make us smile. but deep deep within, we are as bitter as bitter gourd dipped in bitter gourd sauce. i guess that's why, we are easily "emo-ed" over the simplest things. isn't it good if life was simpler? where it was like when we were during our childhood? hmm.. so, how do i lower my big city-goer's appetite for happiness to one where its simple enough to make me smile to simplest things like just seeing the sun shining, but without giving up halfway due to the influence of this damn practical society?

hmm... i guess the answer varies from individual to individual. in fact, some might argue that they are happy being the city-goer they are. and some might add on that, being simple is simply being in denial and it will do you no good. but how will knowing reality make our lives easier or happier anyway? reality robs hope. its like the movie "the tooth fairy", where tooth fairies die (or something along that line) because adults start telling children that they don't exist, thus taking away a simple source of happiness. that's what reality does. but sometimes, we are just plain curious although we do know deep in our hearts that the reality will always (or mostly) hurt. how strange human beings are.. foolish, overrated creatures who think that they are superior to the other animals just because they have a thumb.

oh well. i wanna go somewhere simple. somewhere where people made merry everyday although there isn't any particular reason to celebrate but they do anyway! oh well. in the "typical, practical, smug city go-er" lingo, i just simply wanna waste my life in denial.

im waiting for my pictures to upload on the other blogpost. sian. seriously very slow!

anyways, some emo blog post ba.. not really emo.. just food-for-thought kinda blogpost:

hahaa. im a fool for feeling that my life stinks because it is a no-life. was watching the charity show just now after coming back from dinner with Lamebert. and.. mark lee made sense. while simple tasks such as swallowing saliva and walking is what some people's greatest wishes are, i am here, being able to do the above, complaining. gosh! what kind of heart do i have? haha. so yup. whatever it is, i'm going to cherish life. as jackie chan (or whoever said), no matter how much time we have, it is limited. especially youth. i feel that, we should just grab whatever opportunity and just try it since we're young! at first i was sian about having to start job training for RWS. but you know, life is unpredictable. so, while i still can, i wanna be useful. hahaha. plus the money.. i will definitely need that! hahahah. yup. im quite nervous. but luckily adeline's coming with me!

so envious la.. of hc, ade tan, anita, martin, nei and chantel. they're going hongkong in less than.. few hours. ]= nei's camping at martin's place. i wished i was there also. gonna miss the boomzers la! hhahaha. oh well. i guess, instead of complaining about what i don't have, i might as well treasure what i have.. which are my darling friends (emma, sx, adeline, reggie, alb, brandon and so on) and my darling family (lorr, lionel, bro, mum, dad and so on) ... i mean, what would i be without them eh? hahaha. yup. ok la, gonna go sleeeeeep. 8.30 training. O.O .. shall post my springcleaning post tmr. nights!

p/s: anyway, a random advice someone shared with me. The rule is to never date your closest friend. ;)

p/p/s: hahaha. anyway.. hopefully i'll have time to blog in the following week man! haha. and i saw xx's wedding. so so so xin fu! it feels like.. the image of me in a wedding dress.. seems very very very very distant. but, i guess .. we'll see how it goes and play by ear.

p/p/p/s: very very very happy for somebody now. still a secret... some lucky girl out there.. is gonna smile from ear to ear sia!

ciao~ its such a gooood gooood night to sleep in!

i accepted brandon.

im afraid. im afraid he will change me. i am afraid he will change me which will change the way my life works. i dont want it to change. why? why couldnt i just be contented with my life? im scared
im so fucking scared. i hope it will be better. it was my decision. once is enough. i dont wanna go thru this again. i thought it would be fun. it isnt.

where are u, mr darcy?

anyway, the night wasn't exactly wasted la. because when reggie was asleep on my shoulder at harbourfront, i was looking at the surroundings. at 5am in the morning, the newspaper man came and delivered newspaper. the macdonald auntie was all prepared and behind the counter. i just feel that i've wasted my life playing poker everyday. i mean, if these people can wake up and work because they need to, despite their situations, why can't i? i mean, being a foreigner in a country is not easy. holding a job that doesn't garner a lot of respect adds on to the difficulty of adapting. we always ignore their presence, and worse, we add insult to their pain by despising them, making racist jokes about them. i laugh at these jokes, i admit. but i will not after last night. at the wee hours of the night, when we are nice and comfortable in our nests, they are already out putting newspapers into our lives, preparing to feed us and we just stick our noses into their faces and laugh at them. the garbage man, the road sweeper, the construction worker, your domestic helpers- these are some example i can think of that probably could do without our insults to them. i know, they add on to our crime rates, but wait a minute, aren't there singaporeans who are robbers and kidnappers as well? i'm not trying to make myself a saint here. but im just saying is that, show them a little more respect. like, when the garbage truck drives past, don't press your nose in front of them. or worse still, teach your children to do that. how would you feel if after a long day at work, tolerating the roaches and stench to clear the rubbish of others', waking up so early for that, wrapping yourself in those thick clothing under the hot sun, being all sweaty and tiring, that someone presses their nose at what you are doing for a living? would you call that job satisfaction? the pay is peanuts la to be honest.

think of it these way. if you press your noses at them and they quit, who is gonna clear your rubbish up for you? yourself? your mum? are you gonna be the one picking up that binful of rotten apple cores, put it into the rubbish truck and throw it into the landfill? are you gonna be the sweaty guy who has to tolerate the stench and pests for such low pays whom you laughed at? same goes to construction workers and other blue collared workers.

lol. i've been drifting away from my point. but anyway, yeah, i've decided to put my life back on track la. stop wasting it .. hahha! yup. its way too short to be wasted on.. unnecessary things, like getting senselessly drunk. oh well. gnna sleep now.

I HAD AN AWESOME NIGHT LAST NIGHT! omg! yesterday went out with cousins to watch alice in wonderland. it was nice! in fact, it was my virgin time watching 3D movie. x= sua gu i know!! then we had astons for lunch! they were a bunch of fun. although at times i didnt quite fit in because they are afterall, very close, so ya. but it was fun overall!! shud do it sometime again man!

then, went to meet khng for dinner at vivo. had subway... where she ate my sub and then i realised, and then i ate her half-eaten sub cus i dun like olives ]= then we headed to st james at abt 9pm. nobody one lor! damn shiok. shared a jug of vodka lime with her and had a tequila pop each! yum! though there were these 3 cheekos who kept looking at khng. haha. glad she had fun. then walked her to mrt then met with reggie in st james again. we queued (as usual) 1 and a half hours for the goddamnn drinks lor! lol!! we bought lol..

1. jug of vodka sprite (will never drink vodka sprite ever. so so sweet)
2. 2 tequila pops
3. 3 heineken bottles! HEINEKEN IS OWNINGNESS!

then we saw reggie's friend who let us share the table. ok, i can still remember this part. we popped the tequilas and i splashed on this guy .. lol! he seemed abit peeved. but we heck care. luckily we saw seats. then we took them. then before that, some group of ppl drank alot! so there were unfinished drinks also. so we drank and drank and i was so drunk, i remembered i fell off my chair twice. i spilled beer on myself. and we were talking and talking and cursing and swearing and shouting lyrics to "when i grow up" and other of our clubbing songs while drinking. i remembered taking pictures. i remembered i drank other ppls' drinks. i remembered then i went to the toilet alot and i couldnt stand up when queueing. i remembered sitting down at the queue line.. and me and reg sharing a cubicle, where i'll sit down on the floor while she pees. then i will feel like puking. but i didnt. then we went to the dancefloor and she was holding me. then remembered a couple making out on the dancefloor, on the sofa, everywhere! omg. then just remembered that when the DJ played our favourite song, like "low".. we were jumping! hahahahha! reggie said a lot of ppl stared at me ]= im officially the clown of st james. but the drunk feeling is scary when no one is there for u lor.

cant remember the exact details of the clubbing event, but i remembered forgetting all my worries and just danced away. i can only feel happiness (and sticky bodies) on the dancefloor! i wanna club soon!! after that, ton at harbourfront centre, where i couldnt sleep. so lent reggie shoulder. then i couldnt sleep tho. so i just watched family guy to pass time. hahaha. then went to have macs. my gastric came back. was damn painful. ]= and i stupidly drank orange juice for breakfast. got worse. then when i reach hm, i showered and slept from 10am to 5pm. lol! ok la. im gg to watch tv now! wooo! nights

im so fucking sian. suddenly, just realised there isnt anything substantial to look forward to. just.. empty. an empty life. growing older, means that im expected to do well and stuff on my own.. fuck la. feel like dying now. cus right, i dont have regrets now ma. i feel q. happy now. oh well. dun worry. i wont kill myself. im scared of pain. ]=

how do u play the love game? how do you know when you're even in it? i long for the day when someone to ask for me to be his girlfriend. and someone suitable actually asked. lol. i was very very flattered. lol. never thought that anyone would want me romantically to be in their lives.i was tempted to say yes actually, because i do wanna be loved and stuff. but im not ready. and i dont think he's ready either. haha. friends are always safest, because when you're friends, there's no rules to play by. no long, complicated, if-you-call-within-24-hours-of-the-first-date-you're-desperate kinda thing!

oh, old maid shirley, when oh when will you ever be hooked? 50 years old? hahaha! but whatever, just really glad to be myself.

Firstly, must thank Leader-of-tomorrow bert (alb)! wow, thanks dude for all those compliments sia! i'm honestly quite touched because no one really dishes out those compliments so explicitly like you did! ahaha! cheers to 3 years of friendship which bloomed out of a coincident meet-up at cityhall mrt dude!

secondly, had the MOST BORING WEEKENDS ever in YEARS! but thanks to friends, who were there to accompany me! hahaha. i watched.. lets see..

1. crazy hearts
2. an education
3. the proposal
4. transformers 1

haha. then.. blogged. i-sketched/web-camed/talk cock with alb. usualy chats with reggie. texas hold'em poker mostly! looking for movies to download. hmm. thats all.. programmes for the weekends:

monday - SLACK!
tuesday - go school with khng + kbox-ing with hc and gang
wednesday - movie outing with cousins + CLURRBBBBINGGGG! (with my love, reginarrrr)
Thursday - go see Zee Avi at noise with alb! yay! zee avi is talented! loooove her songs!
friday - tentatively plan-less! maybe gonna beach w khng..
Saturday - maybe outing with sx/emma?
sunday - nothing
monday - universal studios training.

lol! not too bad. at least have some life there. alrighty! gonna watch simpsons, then poker then sleep!

Of dinner and dance. and that curls don't suit me.

I'm not out, on a saturday night, like most other people who has lives would be. but i am one relaxed and happy soul just staying in on a saturday night, in my nest (though still having a little headache from last night's drinking) just playing a little poker, doing a little chores, sipping my twinnings chamomile tea, listening to zee avi's songs and just blorgging with texas hold'em poker still running in the background. (:

So shall blog about yesterday, probably going to be the most happening night for this year? but whatever la, so here goes:

yesterday woke up at (fucking) 7am in the morning, for the second round of interview for the job at universal studios. so, basically, it wasn't really an interview session.. it was just some session to make sure that we were free to work. had to wait for everyone to be done to have the briefing session, and it was finally over at 12 noon. we are hired. (yay that im no longer unemployed. nay that i have to get my ass off my comfy nest and into the cruel, nasty world out there for some pieces of paper called money). headed home after that to prepare for the arrival of anita and hongchoo. just left paya lebar mrt and was about embark on my 20 minutes walk home, when the rain started coming down. was in a spot where i would get as drenched if i walked back to the station as i would have been if i continued walking home. so, with a pathetic copy of "today" newspaper (and mr famous director's face splashed on the front), i sheltered myself home. took a quick shower and lied on my bed until i dozed off. was woken up by the vibration of my phone. hongchoo was on her way. so just slept again until she called again. and she reached first. haha. she's really cute. they were supposed to reach at.. 1pm. but they reached at 2. anita reached at 3. it was hongchoo's first time wearing contacts, so i was trying to use my (not-so-experienced) experiences to make it easier for her. but her eyes were as sensitive as mine, so had to pry her eyes open (really! with my fingers la) to put that goddamn piece of plastic into her eyes! and it WORKED! she felt uncomfortable at first.. but it was alright after that. so we just hung around and waited for anita. and she finally came and we started doing our makeup. since i was supposed to help hc, i did mine first. i just did a very basic makeup. foundation (2 layers this time, usually i just put 1 layer). for eyes, just my shimmery MAC eyeshadow, then quite a thick coat of eyeliner on upper lids, and quite thick liner on lower lids, then spammed mascara. about 3 coats. X= then blusher. thats all lor! i wanna learn more techniques eh! cus really very very noob. only can do basics. so after i was done, i helped hongchoo with hers. it wasn't as successful as that time when we tried it out at martin's. cus i dunno why, but her eyeliner kept smudging. finally we're done with makeup and we quickly changed to our dresses and wear accessories.. and shoes! we were suppposed to be at the salon at 4.30pm. in the end, we pushed it to 5pm. quickly cabbed down. and luckily ade tan reached first and she was almost done with her hair! loved her hair!! mine was.. i was thinking of doing more of an elva hsiao hair. like.. volumized loose curls?
before.




it turned out to be more curly than volumized. it was volumized at first.. then it died, so became really curly.. like some auntie. ]: i think curls make my face fat and auntie. ]: learnt my lesson now. haha! but well, if you don't try, you won't know!

after.

so, finished at about 6pm. then we hung around far east plaza debating whether we should walk or cab to shangri-la since it was peak period. then we saw cheryl quek quek at chamaleon!!! with her bf! loved her to bits. wished she had persevere on back in year 1, if nt, we could have been to dnd together now! ]: but oh well. love cheryl!!! so anyways, we decided to walk to orchard mrt to wait for the rest. nei and khng came. khng's first reaction: u look so mature! ]: oh well! at least curls dont work.
finally waited for mr low's arrival! then we went to wisma to cab down to shangri-la! i was so high! and egggcited!!




martin is HILAROUS!

finally reached at saw MORMOR at the lobby. saw douglas too!! LOL! quickly snapped a few pictures with mormor and doug. and helped mor take pics. we took pics as a group, as clique. then saw amanda's clique. wooooooow!!! sharni looks damn damn damn gorgeous with makeup! really very surprised! hahah! wow! that girl .. is wow! then we hung around and then went in to the cocktail party. saw a few familiar faces and just chatted abit. then found chantel and we went to the ballroom. nicee. the decor and stuff. then we seated.. then chantel and i had the urge to wear the mask.. so we wore it.. had this mysterious aura i felt.



hahahahah! then we went in.. then the event took place. the emcee was alright la. i think the last last year one was better! hahaha. then hock leong was nominated for prom prince! omg. he looked very very handsome last night! charming like mad! hahah! and weirong was nominated prom princess... that girl kicks ass! her dressing was simple but nice! some girls came in with dresses that martin called "wedding cakes". lol! v exaggerated, but adds to the fun! the food was good! got abalone soup somemore! hahaha. hmm, then chantel won 4th prize for lucky draw - digital cam! damn coool! hahahha! [: she deserved it la!! then the best part of the dinner was that there was once where we had to get up on our feet. and they made us do hokey pokey to win some prizes. so surprising to see people so enthusiastic! everyone got up on their feet, held hands and started dancing and running around the tables! very funny!! i was soooo cold cus i forgot to bring my shawl. so luckily martin lent me his jacket! hahaha!! then.. towards the end, 5 guys had to hold hands and make a big circle and all the girls were supposed to run into the circle! hahaha. so we did! and then they said that was our danceflooooor! hahahahah! i started dancing with anita! then soon, some ppl left the dance flooor. and i left too. then me and chantel were damn tempted to danceee cus of the music and lighting! then we got there with our clique and danced abit! then morgan came!!! and they were playing "i gotta feeling" and we were screaming and jumping and screaming and jumping! then the song ended and we just danced abit. the songs were q boring but it got me into the CLUBBBBBING MODE! omg! so happy!! that ended our evening there, then we went out and took more pictures! caleb (our accounts lecturer) said that he's gonna treat us for drinks at clarke quay. so most of us (me, khng, nei, martin, ade tan, anita and hc) went to clarke quay .. so we walked down (with my aching/blistered feet in those damn gorgeous pumps) to black angus there where martin (risked his life by flagging for a taxi on the first lane) got us a cab and we cabbed to clarke quay! everyone was there, hendri's clique, desmond's clique, solong and all. so we were like... deciding where we should pub!!! cus no one knew where to go and so, cus i had to go home by 2am, we decided to go to the one with no queue.. rebel was mad crowded, and nei didnt bring his ic. O.O damn lor. hahaha! so we went rupeee room (i audited this pub before) and it turned out to be indian-ish pub. not that we're racist but we dont know the songs and stuff. and we paid $15 already.. so we just redeemed our vodka lime. hc couldnt finish hers, so i drank her share too! yum! i miss drinking! so... caleb brought us to the pub near the reverse bungee area. i liked that bar! and reggie said the flaming lambo was only... $23? cheap. but our clique decided to go back to mama's carribean. i had a cosmo. recommended that to the girls. since it is, afterall, a sex-in-the-city drink ma! but i loveee cosmos. and magaritas! martin had coconut mojito! nice also! and nei ordered choco martini. i hate chocolate martinis ever! chocolate and alcohol (other that chocolates with alcohol in them) should never be mixed! then i cai-quaned with nei. and he hated his drink. and i lost like.. 50/60 games. so i had to keep drinking. got very high! he hates justin bieber, so i kept singing "baby" into his face. ahhahaha. i wasn't drunk! really! i can still remember being high! i never got drunk before. just got suuuuuuper high only. then 2am came and we parted ways. at the taxi stand.. i was wondering outloud "is it friday today?" and this angmoh guy behind said "nope. its saturday already" and he kept smiling lol! I WANNA CLUB SOOOOOOON~~ hahah!!

but really had a lot of fun other than for the fact that:

1. curly hair is TOTALLY NOT ME!
2. my dress got looser than that day when i bought it. O.O so, my friends had to keep reminding me that my bra is showing. damn paiseh. a lot of pics can see lor. haiz. wardrobe malfunction, it seems. but i paid a good $99 for that damn dress!
3. shoes caused massive blisters.

but other that that, last night WAS A BLAST! WOOOT! shall leave this post with picccccccies!

morrr and me~~ she's damn princessy looking!

clique!


terrrry and me. he looks so diff without specs

the pubbing gang!


me and doug. he's the only person i have ever ever been to a prom twice with. lol! deja vu?

the gorgeous ladies minus me!




our tattoos! i keep telling people the heart is my mole!

the girls from dac04! all so gorgeous. (except me)


bloody snacks at the cocktail party were yums!!

glad, hy, ariel (she's damn gorgeous), hendri, caijing, ys, martin, ade and me.


love the colours and metal spoons!

SEXAY AND MYSTERIOUS EH!


cold dish! loveeeee cold dish!

the fish. head. O.O

CAM WHORING IN THE GORGEOUS TOILET!



Gorgeous being emo. hahahah!





acting elegant nia! hahahah


she looks damn pretty! like model liddat!



this is the most ladylike you will ever ever see of me and khng

ariel and me. isn't sheee preeetttttyyyy..!


huiyan's such a cutiepie!


CLASS PIC!


me and my ex husband, hendri. lol! cus we used to take the same GEMS. and i played his wife who was pregnant and smoking.

me and mr sim!!


me and bettina!


me and peigen.





me and hockleong- prom prince. he truly deserves it la. congrats and woooooohoooo for bringing pride to the beancounters!

yup. that was it. and now, im sitting here, as a no-lifer who plays facebook poker on a saturday night, remembering those moments.

HOPE TO CLUB SOOOOON!