whatever happens, happens...

Well, went mugging with shyenne, joan and jocelynn today. Lol. They're damn cute lor. Hahha. Mugged till abt 4pm before i met up with ben. Well, i had a good time. And 'the next three days' is pretty awesome. Great plot. Makes u raise ur eyebrow.

Well, whatever happened between me and him.. Its between us. And ... I just suddenly had a new outlook regarding life. Well.. Things may or may not work out. Sigh. But sometimes, overthinking about the future.. will lead you to just miss the opportunity that was presented in front of you. Haha. I just know that.. Whatever happens, im not gonna regret it. Perhaps its easy to say it like this now, but this time, im sure of it. Hahah. I dont wanna think too much. haha. What for? Well.. Yup. :) goodnight!

Great weekends

hey there! today has been pretty good. woke up and felt the urge to jog. so went to get a quick jog.. then came home, did my household chores, helped cut the preserved limes for the guava (its this formula lao shi taught us.. she told us to cut thse preserved lime, then put it into a tub and throw in your mango, put a bit of sour plum powder and toss it abit an keep it in the fridge for 3 days.. and its heaven! i dun like guava all my life, even though ah ma and my dad loved it.. but this recipe.. is mmmmm... yummy! plus healthy!) then just crapped around with my family, lol.. gossipping about the neighbours and stuff. hahah. fuckin love these kinda family moments where my mum and dad seems to have become my friends. haha, so headed out with them to cityhall. accompanied bro to do something special.. lol! then headed to orchard to meet martin and anita. lol. havent seen martin since sept 12, my bday.. and he's darker and more macho uh! so nice to see him grow up. hahaha, as usual, we're full of crap. talked about army, school stuff and yup.. headed to watch harry potter movie for the second time and the impact it has on me is still pretty good! hahah. s nice to see dobby again. after the movie, martin craved for sushi tei but we were too slow. they closed. so headed to this jap place at ion orchard.. hmm, the cali handroll ish good. hahaha. then we just chatted and hung around and i was so full and my tummy felt abit weird cus martin gave me extra onions! lol! then went to etude house to get my mosturiser and some facial masks. gosh. i seriously swear its not cheap bring vain in singapore. haha. headed home and well, here i am. btw, i bought westlife's new album "gravity". lol! very nice! def better than the previous one! yay them!

theres something that has been bugging me. and honestly.. im going to put it as subtly as i can. well, after this week, i realise that, somethings just cannot be forced. if one doesn't wanna be in something, it will never be able to work no matter how hard you pull or try. yup. i mean, i've tried to try. i solemnly swear. but then.. well.. i don't really know now? i dunno. maybe its my fault. maybe im sensitive. well... it still upsets me that things have come to what it is today. guess i'll go with the flow...

well, this month alone.. has taught me that when life presents stuff to you, treasure it once you get your hands on it because .. that thing can evaporate. no matter what it is. yeah. well, im quite tired of trying to try already, tbh. its disheartening to receive such replies.. but nah, not gonna force anyone to do anything against their will. i just hope things will flow once again like it did once upon a time...

and well, yup. im heading to bed now. and the feeling im having now, its pretty shitty, tbh. but, thats life. right?

Hell of a roller coaster ride!

heyy, well.. this week has been insane madness. just the same time last week my life has been turned upside down, inside out. and well, along this week, things has been pretty stressful.. but im thankful for whatever happened this week. Wednesday headed to this "zhi bao ji" place at this quite ulu/jungle-ish place near my school with derrick and huilin. wow. derrick and his gf has been together for .. 9 years? wtf. well, and he seemed really blessed and xin fu when he tells us about his gf :D now, thats a role model i tell u. hahaha. well, today was olive juice. :D ok la, headin to bed now.. :D

Smile.

HAHA! i was just randomly browsing through old posts, and LOL! i really miss Perth. and the donkey. i wonder how he's doing?

Now.

This song means a lot to me because when i was still in the process of recovering from my heartbreak sly left me 1 and a half years ago, i played this song over and over and over again the night i tore our picture up. though i swore off love, but inside, i told myself, if i ever do fall in love once again, i want it etched in my memories like a footprint in wet cement.

i saw the video once again in my newsfeed tonight and despite having a test which i have very very inadequately prepared for, i felt the need to post it on my blog to just.. remind myself to just be in the moment when it presents itself. This time, i promise to not try too hard to not screw it up, but instead, savour every moment possible. what tomorrow brings, i don't know. who we'll meet tomorrow, i won't know either. after all these years, i've come to realise everything, big or small, is capable of turning anything upside down. no matter how strong a relationship is, no matter how strong someone's life is, no matter how hard you've work, no matter what you have achieved, anything is capable of changing things into images you'll never have expected or imagined. so, whatever it is i'm in, im just going to close my eyes and remember the moments. whether im going to end up heart broken or tired .. or even happier eventually, im not going to care. and i don't really wanna know. because right now, i just want to give it my best so that in any case, no matter where this heads, i won't end up in regret.

"后来我总算学会了如何去爱
可惜你早已远去消失在人海
后来终于在眼泪中明白
有些人一旦错过就不再"

i'm probably sounding very naive and in a couple years time and i read this, i might mock at myself for being so simple minded.. but you know what? im only 20 once. haha! and i dont wanna be like what the lyrics said it to be.

honestly, i thought that my heart died the day i swore off love. and along the way, i've been trying hard to get the feeling back because i really didn't like the empty feeling that was left lingering. though i no longer hated the empty feeling inside, but i guess its nice to see my heart alive once again. momentarily or everlasting? nobody will know. so i guess, as time passes, we'll lay the tiles on the floor, perhaps 1 tile at a time? or 2 tiles at a time? and slowly create a path together. it might lead to a dead end. or it might lead us to a good place. no matter what, i just hope (and somehow, have enough faith right now to say this) that when im going to turn my head to see what kind of path we've created, im probably going to smile. at least, thats what i hope.

okay. super sleepy. talking gibberish. gonna hear the song for the very last time and then its bedtime... goodnight. :)

a long and frustrating night..

have got managerial econs test tomorrow. Gahhh. I feel very restless tonight. I just dont have the mood to mug. And i havent even done the practice question. Is actually one of the few times i feel soooo lazy i really dont even have the mood to chiong for the eleventh hour. Omg. Howww???

Well, today's pretty much been an unproductive day. Loads of tv watching, txting, fb-ing.. Just anything else except for studying. Gah, i rlly hate it that im sooo restless. Gahhhhhh.

K la. I shall head back to the books. Booo!

Brace yourself up!

the moment i stepped into the house, i just sat on the floor and broke down. with josh groban blasting through my earphones. im not doing this to gain any sympathy but right now, my blog's the only avenue for me to vent. and i need to before i go crazy. i really don't know what i cried for. i just kept shouting for ah gong and ah ma. i guess, all these years, i thought that my life was fulfilling. perhaps, im wrong. maybe it has always been an empty shell. just that on the outside, the shell looks beautiful and all but now, its all hollow. i don't know how long it has been empty for. maybe just recently. maybe it has been for a long time. i don't know. but i know that suddenly, it just felt so heavy on my shoulders, i can no longer support it. i just need to put it down for a while. im pretty sure alb would be disappointed with me if he reads this. luckily he got confined. by the time he reads this, i should be okay, right?

maybe regina is right. i have changed. and even i cannot recognise who this is anymore. especially since i headed to sim. i've become selfish. that i saw. i guess, we've all changed. i was typing alot of emo things on the train, wanting to post it up. but i deleted them. whats the point. whats the point of crying? perhaps, this really is adulthood. i have perhaps just stepped on the "welcome" mat of adulthood. maybe this is a wake up call from god or whoever manages my life.. telling me to stop acting like a kid. to stop whining everytime something doesn't go my way. to stop being so naive anymore. i've started online dating because i knew that my life has changed. and my friends have all moved on. and i just needed to find someone to fill up the void. thats why i went to that website. isn't it shameful? im going to put a stop to all this nonsense.

life may not be like last time anymore.. where we make friends which we place the tag "best friends forever" on. life isn't the same anymore. now, only 3 people in the entire world knows my blog. i used to enjoy the attention of letting others read my blog. then i realise i had to account to all these people. what for? its tiring. it doesn't bear any good.

i have a lot a lot of insecurities but i always laughed them off. im insecure that at my age, im bigger than a lot of girls. i think im ugliest among my friends. whenever i know a guy comes into my life, i somehow mentally prepare myself that he might go to my friends. and i must be able to embrace that. im insecure about the fact that, one day, all my friends will leave me because they no longer find that i add any value to their lives. i feel insecure that what will i do when my parents are gone? when i needed an emergency fund, who would give me the extra $50 to top up my EZ link card? im insecure that i will break my promise to be a wanderluster.

i've always wanted to be the girl everyone wants to be. whether in terms of grades, or popularity, or beauty, or the best boyfriend, or the best writer, or the person with the most interesting life. i strive to fit into those but i always fall short. somehow, the people around me, they seem to fit into either of these categories very well. and me, im nothing near any of those. and i get insecure. and i laugh it off. but it isn't completely gone. its still there. right now, these are no longer important. i've long stopped accounting to people. the most i want, is for my parents and grandparents to be proud of my efforts. not just in terms of school. but in life. maybe im saying all these because i'll never measure up and im just trying to make myself look good. maybe. maybe not.

i miss it that in the past, whenever i encountered a bad day in school, i could tell ah gong or ah ma or my pikachu and they'll give me the courage to go back to school the next day. i remember when i was in kindergarten, during naptime, i would hide in the toilet for a while and pray to god (though am not christian/catholic) to bless my family. im nothing without them. absolutely dirt. im very scared that when i grow up and become materialistic, i'd forget all these. in fact, in my poly years, i've forgotten why my mum keeps nagging or that my dad keeps calling my handphone whenever im out very late at night. i am their treasure. all the children in this world are treasure to their parents. because in our parents' lives, we are a major change in their life. suddenly, their lives become second priortity to ours. and i always forget this and i end up being angry at them, doing things to secretly defy them, like go clubbing, smoke and other dishonorable things.

actually, until now, i still wont regret saying something. and that is, my friends are the reason why im here also. in a way or another, without them, i'll be nothing like this today. my life would be alot darker. my heart would be alot lonelier. my eyes would be alot blinder. although they are reasons why sometimes i get frustrated but they are definitely the reasons i stand up tall.

somehow i wished life would rewind itself back to the past. to that point in around january where the last term of poly started and everyone tried to live their lives as though there won't be another tomorrow because life in poly was ending. i wished i could go back to the life where my everyday was filled with laughter and jokes and friends. where there wasn't a day i walked to school alone. where i turned at every corner and i see a familiar face. where everyone knew one another and we'd greet each other and stuff.

whatever it is, this is reality. all those, they're just memories. this is my reality: im alone now. i know i still have friends. but deep down, i know im probably am alone. suddenly i realise how heavy the baggage is. its just that, all these while, reggie has been helping to carry also. and i guess i took that for granted. it'll probably be tough ba. but as alb always tells me, im stronger than i think i am. and i shall prove him right. well. yup. life goes on. i still do hope i can start a clean slate with her. in the meantime, my life really needs a big fix up. okay. time to dry those tears. the road down is.. probably a cold and lonely one. i can do it.

well, anyway, one of the reasons i guess i suddenly opened up and cried was because of josh groban. i must remember to listen to him whenever i need strength. it helps.

Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
When your heart’s heavy, I
I will lift it for you
Don’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you, I
I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt
That you hide
When you’re lost inside, I
I’ll be there to find you

Don’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you I
I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

You are loved

Don’t give up
It's just the weight of the world

Don't give up
Everyone needs to be heard

You are loved

Thanks josh groban. and those who kinda made this easier. one more breakdown and i am going to move on. im honestly very very scared and terrified you know?

and also, i've decided to give facebook up. im not going to twitter.com anymore. because i dont wanna know the life of my best friend (is she still wants to be) through some social network. i think i might go back to fb cus i owe alot of people their pictures. but i just need to stay off it for the moment.

-breaths in- well. here goes.

monday.

7.13am - am on the way to school. last night was a long night. Really pretty torturous. Today's gnna be a long one. Had my period today. Its gonna be a painful one, i can feel it. But sometimes, it takes loads of blues in one life to truly appreciate the simple joys in life we take for granted. Was sitting on the toilet bowl, stoning.. when i heard the theme song of 'buo ying ren'. I just smiled and lip synced to it. I thought when i entered sim that im quite alone. i never realise i could get lonlier. Well, with alb being confined this weekend - hah, that boy. Dont know what to say about him la. Lol. Im not always very proud of him, but i kinda feel proud for what he did- and well, things going with reg.. Well. Thats life right? How human relationships can be so fragile huh! Which made me suddenly remembering what a nonsense but wonderful family i have. Yesterday was grandparents day (heard it over the radio). I miss ah gong and ah ma. i wished i was back to a decade ago, where i knew no matter how bad my day went, i could go home listening to my grandparents' very cute arguments over the smallest thing, my grandma's homecooked meal, listeningg to 'radio fusion', while i pay ah gong a visit in his room and he ask how am i and i just say im fine. Oh gosh, im about to cry in the train. I remember writing about that in my 作文 and getting first in school for it. I miss them. usually i'll wake up to a monday morning with a groan. Today, im glad i had my mum to wake me up.

Well, shirley lim. Brace yourself up! Ah gong and ah ma will be here to help u. Just need to believe it.

8.20am - well. In class already. Lots of thoughts ran through my head within the hour. Like suddenly, the cork has been unplugged from the bottle nose and everything's gushing out. I dont even feel like eating my fave food today. Actually, like emma said, im actually very blessed in alot of ways. I dont have to worry about my meals. I have this piece of thing in my hands to allow me to vent my frustrations

8.45am - i dont care what they say, but caffeine really makes the world a better place. sometimes, i wonder, what if one day.. What u always believed in, what you've put ur everything into, fails on you? What do you do? What will happen?

11.35am - lecture ended earlier today and my tummy hurts like mad. Fuck menstruation. Im currently in a safe place. In the library, hiding in one of the compartments. Remember what i said earlier about cherishing the moments? And all the small things in life? Well. Im reading about switzerland now. In the lib. I take comfort in looking at the alps. Rlly q torturous to go thru another 3 hours of lecture. Sigh. I guess i brought this uponmyself. Im back to being a coward once again. Hiding like an american ostrich. Thinking that if i hid my head in the hole and i cant see ppl hunting for me means no one rlly is. Sigh. I must be the most naive fool in the world. Look at u, shirley. Sigh. quite pathetic eh? I feel like crying again. So weak and stupid. oh goshhh. Maybe i shud have stayed alone. look at the people i've chased away. Sigh. I keep telling myself that 60 seconds of being upset means a minute of happiness that will never come back. I tried to smile. But it never stayed on. I feel very miserable inside. Yet, i cant tell anyone. Ok. Brace urself. Just 3 hours more to home. Where i can bury myself in my blanket and sleep all this away. Like an american ostrich. like a coward.

Guess im nt gonna think too much. Shirley, u can do it!

Hey reggie, if you're reading this..

we're both pretty frustrated at this point of time and i know i've let u down through what i didn't tell u. These few months, i could feel us drifting apart and no one is to be blamed. Our txts get less and we once promise to never stop texting. And meeting. And eating fen yuans. And though we fought for only about 3 hours ago, i really miss u. I dont have the guts to msg u now because im scared to make u angrier. U rlly mean the world to me, y'know? All those words u told me really affected me deeply. Well. Remember i once did a blogpost and i tell u that should one day we drift apart, u go click on 'regina lim' under my tags and u'll find urself there? Well. i clicked it just now. I fucking hope this isnt the end. Maybe a pause. But not a stop. Fuck. I just.. U fuckin know how fuckin impt u are in my life can? Im really very sorry for this screw up. Well, anyway, here was the post i wrote to u...

"Dear Xiao Mao,

It's weird blogging about this while talking to you on msn nonetheless! haha. we met on our internship at mazars. i remembered thinking.. "waa. that girl so shy one ar..." and then we had our first lunch at lau pa sat.. and i thought i heard u say "ass hole" when u meant something else. i remembered the guy in front of u turned back and look at u! lol! then we laughed like mad. and then, ur true self was revealed. all the vulgarities and stuff! LOL! and then, we were attached to different areas.. but for the last 4 weeks, we were together again. and i remembered, soup spoon incident. where we happened to walk past soup spoon to lau pa sat.. and we both walk backwards without any communication... together because we saw the same hot guy! hahhaha! then we decided to eat there despite being fucking broke (actually, come to think of it, theres hardly any time in our friendship that i recall us being rich x:) we went in, and then i told u to hurry chope seats. but these few indian guys just took the seats from u saying 'its taken'. we were fuming mad cus we had to da-bao the expensive lunch back to office and miss oogling at SS guy.

and then, we actually talked about going clubbing together and booking a hotel. i thought it was all talk. and then, we really went to book a room in hotel 81.. and clubbed at st james for the very first time in my life, with lele. u forgot to bring ur IC and we went back to the hotel to get it. then at the entrance, we met J and wl. i remember we sat at the bar and we just ordered a lot and lele kept protecting us. we talked about everything. u spilled everything. i spilled everything about me. and we just laughed and drank and talked. then when we danced, we saw j and wl. and we exchanged numbers. we got back to the hotel.. where we shared the double bed and lele just slept on the sofa. but we couldn't sleep!!! we were sooo excited over j and wl! hahah! and then, j texted u.wl texted me. hahahh!!! remember, fwenx? HAHAHHA. we just giggled and laughed and just toooo high to even sleep although we're exhausted!

and then, during that time, we kept ebuddying about the colleagues at mazars. giving them nicknames.. and talking about MH and gab on ebuddy. and how we would go lau pa sat for lunch everyday eating ba chor mee and fen yuans. and when we were too broke to eat both, we just chose to eat fen yuans. for lunch! i remember my tummy just rumbling like mad for the rest of the day.

i thought the last day of internship would mark the end of our communication.. but we just grew stronger. we texted lame random stuff to each other everyday. we'll give each other nicknames.. and everyday, without fail, we'd be texting and then msn-ing. even up till today. the only times we didnt was when i was overseas.. or u were overseas. i loved shopping with u. though we're broke.. but we'd hang out at FEP and just looking at stuff and then will complain about being broke. and then, who can forget the times when we would purposely go back to lau pa sat just to eat fen yuans and remember the times when we'd sit at the super hot place, sweating and yet, can still talk about endless things! boys, r/s, shopping, friendship, family stuff and so on.. it never ends. somemore, we can ebuddy the entire day, text on the way home and go on msn and STILL have stuff to tell each other!

The highlight of our friendship was how we stuck on despite being in different class/ different cliques/ different everything! and how we were there for one another. when i had relationship ups, i'd share them with u. i thought u would be disgusted and sian... and somemore, i keep repeating the same stuff to you, whether its good or bad news... and you'll always be there! your replies would always be super supportive. no matter what. and remember kl? the days u and kl eye to eye and u'd message me. and i remember a period of time when my entire inbox was filled with stuff about kl! hahahha! and about seah seah. and mollie and mozzie. and i guess, ur inbox was filled with sly. i can always tell u EVERYTHING! no matter how stupid, how silly, how pathetic the thing im going to tell u is, whether its about the guy digging his nose in the mrt, or about my first kiss, my first date, my mum, my family... i'll turn to u first. because u never laugh at me. or u never give me one-word replies. u'll tell me how u feel. u'll comfort me. u'll assure me that everything is alright.

and remember the days we'd meet up for mugging sessions at esplanade library? and we'll always buy sushi and sit at the river and talk? and rmember the time where we both wore heels.. and even though our feets were killing us and we were scolding vulgarities from one end of cityhall to the next, we still insisted on going to the river! haha. and remember the days when we're too broke to go to mama's carribean .. we'll go to singapore river with a bottle of heinekein and talk and talk and talk. we never get sick of talking about the past. or gossiping. or just.. telling each other how we truly felt.

we have been super sticky to each other like glue before.. we have also drifted apart before.. and we both were scared then.. we promise to not drift apart and we both know that we're very important to each other. your place in my heart and my place in your heart (as u've reassured me before) has surpassed boyfriends and sweethearts. no one will ever understand how we feel for one another. i tell u things i never dare tell anyone. i tell u the darkest feelings i've felt that were so unethical, if i said it, i'd go to hell for it. but with u, it just comes out...

i don't know how often we'll bump into each other like in SP times.. where we see each other and we'll give the "bunz" sign. or we just look at each other and give the lame smile. with our tight schedules and new friends, i dont know where ur friendship will take us to. we swear to never drift apart but we both know that in reality, theres still a possibility. but we're both fucking scared to the max that this will happen... haha. but baby, no matter what happens, as long as u need a listening ear, im here. i know that, we've been less and less close as compared to mazars time.. but i'll definitely still be there when u need me. haha! u know my number! as cliche as it sounds, i hope we'll be friends forever because there is no way i'm going to find another girl like u who will know me so well and accept me for who i am despite seeing all and every single of my flaws. so, thank you for being there bunz.

as i always say, "i love you (in an unlesbian way)".

yours truthfully,
xiao niao.

p/s: i tagged this post under your name. if ever ever ever u feel down and im away.. read this ba. and if ever u miss me, u can read this. and if ever i feel im drifting from you, i'd read this too! hahaha. [: love ya"

I rlly hope we can start over. Yup. Xiao niao..

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

i have NEVER EVER VIEWED OUR FRIENDSHIP AS MORE THAN MY RELATIONSHIPS. i really dont know what more to say because right now, im just tired. maybe we all need a break. i know i do. and perhaps, u do too.

fuck facebook

fucking facebook. should never have restored it. wtf.

fucking worst weekend of my life. ever.

What a long weekend..

it has only been 3 days .. this weekend. and it has been a long and exhausting one.

why am i always the fool? Im never meant for the dating world. Never was. Never will. Who the fuck am i kidding.

Sizzlingly sexy enrique...

am mugging with shyenne, joan and jocelyn now. They're damn cute lor. Anyway, listening to enrique the entire day and am at the song 'somebody's me'

"somebody wants you, somebody needs you, somebody dreams about you every single night..."

Hahahah. So sweet if someone sang this to u right? Better still if its enrique..

Inked.

Firstly, after 3 years.. i've gotten the tattoo i've always said i wanna get. got it with regina yesterday (18th november 2010) at FEP's primitive tattoo. she also got hers. i tattooed "wanderluster" on my left ribcage.

The experience.

Well, we went in earlier than expected. then nick was already prepared. lol. so we made our payments (yup, $100 each) and i decided to go first because i don't think i can deal with the agony of waiting. so i went in. and the print was done. very nice. cursively and elegantly written on that piece of fateful paper - "wanderluster". just in case you guys are wondering what it means, it means to be born with the passion to travel. so, i had to lie on my right side. he had to get the machine started and the sound of the machine buzzing really scared the hell out of me. i was like "oh my fuck. oh my fuck" even before he started. then, he began. it was searing pain. like, a very thin piece of blade cutting through your skin. like, pen knife cutting through you. it was damn fucking horrible. the pain was so sharp i grabbed the sofa until my thumb was numb. when he paused, i was like "is it done?" and he was like.. "nope. only half an alphabet done". towards the middle of the word, it hurt like mad! cus i think it was the bony area. the whole time i was like "oh fuck. ohhhh fuck. ohhhhhh fucking cheebye" like as though i was having very very kinky sex. but no. i would never wanna experience that kinda pain ever. its totally different from ears piercing. finally, he was done and when i saw it, i just smiled. the first thing i said to nick was, "how the hell do you do so many tattoos?!?!?!!!" but at first, after it was done, it was burning! like, as though the blade never left. i went out, hair messed up, hand covering my rib.. and there was this angmoh couple who was about to choose their tattoo and they asked if i could show them. but its bandaged up.. so i couldnt let them see. next was reggie and when she asked how was it.. i told her honestly. so i waited for her turn and saw these 2 ah-beng kias tattoo-ing also. one of them listening to music.. the other playing psp. as though nothing happened! LOL! im amazed. and well, cus the door of the shop was opened and a lot of people looked in and i definitely know hw it feels to be scrutinised. but i felt proud. i really did what i wanted to do! reggie came out about half an hour later and we both laughed like mad while covering the fucking painful wound. we couldnt stretch, couldnt reach up. and as for dinner, we were afraid to eat this and that.. so i had jap pizza and this korean potato ring thing. lol. on the bus, i felt abit paralysed as i couldnt really maneuver properly. then, cus nick never really told us what to do, except he said have to apply lotion after the 4th day when it scabs. so we googled and i soulpancaked.. and yup. just do nothing lor. but must be gentle. when i removed the bandage, it was gross. is like a bloody version of "wanderluster" lol! last night when i slept, i could lean on my left side cus it will burn up. so ya. but today, its okay! i cant feel the pain anymore and its alot less sore! haha.


only this morning that me and reggie truly felt the sense of accomplishment! hahha. like after what seems like forever. the sad thing is, we cant show it off. but if i had wanted to show off, i'd have done it at my chest. but nah. its purely a reminder for me. as for reggie, she now has a part of falloutboy on her. its definitely fuckin' life changing for me though. i wont get another tattoo for the time being. maybe 2 years later? or many years later. haha.

i know many people disapprove of us doing this because our body is something god/ our parents gave us and we can't dirty it. but then, i feel.. if you're doing this for yourself.. then its alright. just like why people booze and smoke and indulge in guilty pleasures. i just feel that, if we don't try these now.. we probably wont ever have a chance. taking clubbing for instance.. i never regretted trying clubbing and yes, i was hooked for a while but now, im a convert. to pubbing. im getting too old for clubs and also, its too noisy for me. i guess i wont mind popping in there again once in a while but not as frequent as this year anymore. i've done my share of trying. smoking, tried. and i wont get hooked to it. in fact, i never craved for another ciggy since the first (and last one) i had when chantel offered me one. drinking, well thats one habit i'd like to keep with me for life. wild partay stuff, tried. being wasted, tried.

in slightly more than a year's time, im going to go into adulthood. step into the bloody working society. placing myself with all the working class people. maybe, i'll lose myself, lose my head in there trying to vie for a good position, good money, good power. maybe in future, i'll not be like now, thinking this much about life, dissecting it so much you only see the particles. i really hope i do not become like that, but somehow, i feel i will. and i do hope i still have my friends around me to pull me back out of that quicksand before i sink in.

but whatever it is, this is probably the reason why im trying to be as crazy as i can while i can. because i only get to be Lim Xiang Yi, Shirley for one life time. when this one dies, there will never be another Lim Xiang Yi, Shirley for me to takeover. since i've always dreamt of travelling the world, i must be reminded.

i've become the muggertoad i used to be once again. studying hard for tests. trying to complete my tutorials. pouring 3 cups of coffee down my throat so i can stay awake in lectures. im putting myself back on track because i can do so with a peace of mind, knowing i've once lead my life. from now on, the road is taking a turn. no more party girl, alright, maybe the occasional wildchild, but thats all.. its time to face adulthood. haha. i know that previously, i couldn't put down my friends, my life in SP, my past, my former glory.. and its not like i've forgotten them. it will always be inked. in my heart. permanent. for life. but its like to move on while holding on to this thought. time to carve new paths. time to explore new lands. time to be a different me. time to be a grown up me.

hahah, whats with the sentimental post huh! hahaha. well, i wanna say this once and only once. i'm very very proud to be who i am. despite the fact that im overweight or have single eyelids or is pimply or will never be skinny ever or that i might jolly well be a spinster for life, perhaps swinging from one guy to another.. i might be a bitch at times and i've become more and more selfish as of late and i finally can put my foot down to NOT do the things i don't like and focus of the things i like (as compared to the past, where no matter whether i liked it or not, as long as people ask me to do, i'll do) and despite the fact that i didnt go to local uni. or that im not doing what i love - writing (as in, professionally). or that im reading the newspaper enough. or that i scold too much vulgarities. or that im loud. or that my jokes cannot get any colder. or that all i do is fantasize but hardly doing anything about it. or that this list will just go on and on and on... but i just need to say this, to my parents..

thanks for bringing me to this world. if i could do it again, i'll choose to be Lim Xiang Yi, Shirley. not anyone else. not richer. not prettier. not skinnier. not caucasian. not with better skin. just me. like this. i'll do it again. :D

p/s: it feels soooo good to type a freaking good post out. i feel good.

p/p/s: i don't think i like j. im just saying it because it has been a long time since i went out on a date where i enjoyed myself. i don't think i enjoyed it because i like him but rather, i just wanna be appreciated. and all these while, while making myself think that i like him because it feels nice to have someone in my life i can shower some concern with. especially since all my dear boys are in army. lol! nah. right now, im not in love with anyone. nor do i like anyone. im good this way. hahaha. well, what the future holds, nobody knows!

p/p/p/s: on tuesday, we headed for SIM's international student's night on wint's invitation! and it was really fun. very very tacky. the whole concert + dinner buffet thing. very very tacky. but i had fun. and also, theres a scene i'll never forget. cus we had to play this game called "guess the national anthem" game. and they played the national anthem of Myanmar. and this guy went up to answer. and while answering, he just cried. i saw another girls from the other table crying also. omg. very very touching. one of the most touching scenes. where despite his country being in turmoil, he still loves and misses his country. and to cry on stage, that takes a true man to do it. especially for his country. im just saying, after going for that international student's night thing, i truly appreciate being in Singapore, my homeland. say all we want about this stinky little place, but its our home. our roots are here. i took that for granted. and that night really woke me up. yeah.

p/p/p/p/s: i really haven't blogged such a rational, sensible post in a long time. im proud of me. :D

p/p/p/p/p/s:

November is Kevin Malone's month on my calendar. i need to post this, cus he is a freaking accountant, but undoubtedly the funniest character in "The Office"! LOL!

Changed blogskin!

1.10am - i really love my new blogskin! yeah, i've realised i change blogskins more often than i blog. hahha. well, its gonna be friday again. unfortunately, i've got a lot of work. assignments, tests.. reggie might be coming over to stay on sunday! lol. so can't wait! this week has been very quiet. but nice. i like the peacefulness. usually, i'd have treated this peacefulness as a nuisance cus its too quiet. however, it has been really nice!!

http://calendar.perthdance.com/view.php take a look at this, the works of my fellow friend from soulpancake, jeremy. he's very very good, isnt he!

social detox day 4

6.05pm - hhahha, yeah. I cant believe its day 4! Well, tuesday i just.. Did my tutorials whole day while crapping with brother. But had q a bit of distractions. But i didnt even miss fb. Omg. Lol! Maybe i'll delete it for good. But nice to know people realise, though it took my blood brother 4 days to notice :( hahaha yesterday had school the entire time, came home and watched tv. At night, just read eat.pray.love and went to bed by 1am. Lol. Actually life without fb is not that bad! Hahahah!

Have no school today.. And i've been watching old movies the entire time since i woke up. Slept for 12 hours. Lol. Watched 'sound of music' yup. Whole 3 hours of it while riding my stationary bike. Watching westside story now. Hahaha. I feel good really, without fb. Abit less colourful i'd say. But its nothing major. so sad to hear martin's grandma pass away lor.. Haiz. Ok. Gnna shower, dinner then study. Well, whole family went to shop at robinsons leaving me alone at home. I actually rejected them la. So is ok. Could use the time alone.. Shiokkkk.

7.45pm - now lying on the sofa with a filled tummy, with a piece of facial mask on my face and watching 'ai' now. Just now ate dinner, washed all the pots, emptied dustbins, did abit of chores.. Then made tea. Nw, just kickin back! Later then study la. Ahahaha.

9.21pm - watching channel 8 drama on the epi where the guy accidentally killed his wife when he brought his mistress home. Will every guy/women in a marriage ever find their marriage so bland and just commit adultery the moment they get a chance? Sigh. what about the other half who puts in 100% into the marriage? Where does the return on investment come? Sigh. Sian.

social detox - day 1

8.25am: okay. So far so good. Lol. Have only accidentally/subconsciously clicked on the fb bookmark. Ok, have only checked soulpancake's new replies but have replied to none. Im so fucking sleepy. Why cant i sleep properly these days? Its like, i've been so exhausted from all the running around during the weekends, i know im tired but come last night, i couldnt sleep till 3am. fuck my biological clock. Am having nice piping hot cup of kopi o. Omg. I rlly hope i can stick to this. I'll come out of this a new person! Anyway saw derrick otw to school. Nice start to the week of social detox. U knw, besides social detox, i need one for my body also. Is like, i tried to have steamed bun today and i walked past the fridge and couldnt help but take the crabstick/chicken salad sandwich. Gahhhh.. The mayo. Hmm, anyway, yesterday was reading abit of eat.pray.love and she reminded me of having consistant love for travelling. I mean, yah! Thats what im lacking in my life! Consistent and constant love for a certain activity. Thats why im never good at one thing but instead, im mediocre at alot of things. If i succeed this detox, im gnna reward myself with toffeenut latte! Yay xmas! Plus i realise now, i can blog again because i now have time! All these while since sec 3.. Blogging has been in my blood. And often, because of busy social calendar, i neglect it. Hahahah well, im back! Ok. Its 830 and adrian hasnt started lecture. Gahhh. Wearing eiffel tower sweater today, but is making me sneeze. Okok. Shall get ready now! Btw, im living today on a 2.50 budget.. So far, i've alr spent $2. Lol. Okok. Gahh, i hope he txts today but u see, we kinda got into a small argument ytd. Hope all's well. Cus u knw, ppl on cold turkey of any sorts will be cranky. Ok. Shall update again! ciao!

9.30am - omg. He confirm woke up and at work already and he's nt texting? Maybe he rlly doesnt like me even as a human being? Sigh. Really hate how bgr can be so... Fluctuating .. Worse than stock market? I mean, he should msg me first. I really cannot swallow my pride and msg him first. I wished he would txt me first.. ok. Stick to the rules.. Not gonna txt unless texted to. I'll see how long it'll take for him to txt. I've cleared my inbox. So is a fresh start. So sad how we were still so enthu on friday and sat and the first half of yesterday. Blahhh. i feel so empty without fb though. Ok. Shirley, u can do it!

9.44am - sigh. Im 20. Practically adult. I've been single for 20 years. I dont consider the previous attempts to enter the dating world as proper dating. I should be stronger than this eh. I may not be attractive or skinny or smart or have a bf or am super sociable, but what i have is dignity. Even if i dont feel confident, or though im exploding from not txting him, but i have my dignity. Need to keep my head high. Ok. -breaths in- ok. I can do this. I just crave for anyone to txt me! Ok. Cannot say like this cus sometimes, it might end up being someone u dont wanna hear from. But ohhhh fuck. I want the attention! Dont judge me, we all want the attention can.. gahhhhh. That fucker. Ok. I cannot lose the dignity. Oh fuck. Is only 1 hour plus since 830! Deaddddddd....

10.30am - how am i to survive the day without my socio friends????? Hahahaha. Just now we had a break and we were discussing which sociologists belonged to who as husband. Wint got tang, wx got durkheim, huilin got goffman, eileen got spencer. Lol! Me? I got a random young black guy. Lol. Sigh. i just cannot stop checking my phone out. Checking to see it vibrated or not. Checking to see if i missed any msgs. Sigh. Well, apparently not. Why do i always HAVE TO include reality into life so quickly??? if only i was more patient. Sigh. I think i've ruined what was supposed to be good. Gah. But is nt all my fault lor. Gahhhh. Anyway, i dont need a man to make me happy. Ive been okay without a man right? So i shud still be! Hahaha. Now listening to durkheim's podcast. Fucking boring. Zzzzzzzz. Omg. Msg me msg me msg me! every minute passes and my expectation of him msging drops a notch. Anyway, was looking into the mirror and ohmyfuck. My face is super bloated and fat. i realised im rlly big sized. Sigh! Compared to the other petite small girls. Sighhhh. Fuck pms la.. always taking a blow at my ego. Ohhhhhh. Msg me msg me msg me!

12.05noon - nope, no news at all from him. Maybe he really dislikes me. or maybe he's busy at work. Or maybe, hes trying to be busy at work so it can be a legitimate reason to ignore me? Its so obvious and i swear that i am not sensitive lor. In pbf class. Wanna jian fei so ate half a big pau. The amount of fats in there is.. Quite alot. Ok. Sigh. Am pretty cranky. Was looking at the mirror just now.. Omg. My fucking decoloured hair, with clipped up fringe and.. Pale and dull looking face... Omg. Wtf. What have i become? Gosh. Fuck studies. Im gnna get my fuckin bangs back alr. I need my personality back. Im too weak. I dont wanna be weakand rely on guys. I dont want any guy, just one who shares the same chemistry with me, loves me and i love him back. Ok. Pbf time. Super super cui and tired...

12.35noon- dozed off when he texted. Oh fuck. and i replied immediately. Ohfuck. im desperate arent i? Pathetic noobcake. teeheehee. im so fuckin sleeeppyyyyy. I wanna go cut hair after school.

12.45pm - im doomed. Why am i so .. gahhh. Hate it. Shall turn vibration off. Maybe he just msg me cus he's .. Idk, pity me? Lol. Okok. Lessons.

12.55pm- gahhh im honestly sick of her using me leh. Fuck. Like, need to cut hair, find me, and just when i thought i shudnt be so petty, she goes and cut hair w other ppl. Then she contacts me when she needs my notes. Fuck. Rlly sian lor. im doing all this base of our past friendship. Guess there nothing in depth to talk about our friendship anymore huh. zzz.

1.30pm - well, whats his problem? Msg once and stop, rlly hate this kinda attitude. half here half there. Gahhhh. Fuck la. Omg. So grumpy. I rlly dun need him lor if i dun want it. Rlly. I mean, wtf? Oh well. I fuck care alr lor.

1.55pm - back from break. Ok. Seriously am going to keep my phone in the bag until lessons are over. keep looking at phone is.. Madness. U knw, i dont like to play dating games. Why cant bgr be simple and comes out from the heart? Why?! maybe, is just me being fucking sensitive. C'mon, we're adults. We act spontaneously right? We should do just what we wanna do and now, i dont wanna see my phone. So yup, i wont. Wtf. Im nt gnna play the dating game, cus i dun even know the rules. Ok. lessons.

3.10pm - wtf! On my way to dover mrt, saw this rlly feeble uncle who needed the railing to move about. And there was this couple who were cuddling against the railing. Sigh. Uncle tried to tell them to move but they didnt. Sigh. I didnt do anything again. wtf. So coward. Omg. Damn disappointed in myself. Really. Based on what should i love others when i cant even stand up for that uncle?! If i felt helpless, uncle must have felt worse. But luckily the last time i checked, the couple moved. So i guess thats alright. Sigh. So disappointed la.

3.35pm - am on train to bugis. there was this uncle who came in.. Seem prett wobbly to me cus he was carrying a walking stick. There was this what seem to be local uni grads, sitting in the 2nd and 3rd seat from the door, he saw the uncle lor. But fuck, he never stand up.. Okk. The reserved seat was seated by this man who had heavy item with him. But the second guy just refused to let his seat up. Wtf.. Wear white shirt, use blackberry, have a degree, using a macbook .. For what? Wtf. So stupid lor. I wanted to stand up for the uncle but im scared i'll humiliate the uncle. Damn fucked up la, well, this is what u get when u breed elitism isnt it? they'll probably know how to put the word 'ethical' in paper and score distinction for civics and moral ed, but cant even put it into practical use. Lameass.

3.45pm - just met up with morgan. Omg. Love her to bits. just seeing her alone makes me smile lor. Hahhaha.. I wished i was a guy, lol. I'd so jio her. Hahhahhaa. But too bad im a girl and straight. Oh well, my fellow bimbo! Ahhahah. Passed her wallet and mp3 to her. I can't wait to sleep tonight.

3.50pm- is it possible to be single for too long that you forget how it feels to be loved?? Suddenly, im filled with fear. Im gnna meet up with him soon. And im scared. Im nt scared that he gives me the cold shoulder or that he runs away.. Im scared of being in a relationship. It makes me wanna ... Squeal? hmmmm..

4.10pm - in gattaomo now. Super sleepy and i feel .. Yeah. Actually i realise that im super scared eh. I mean, ya, i've always wanted a bf. As i was just thinking through about me and him, i felt.. Vulnerable all of a sudden. Like, stripped naked in public. And well.. I just realised how this all seem like as though i'm about to enter a cave with fire breathing dragons. In fact, it feels scarier. Because i feel so exposed. i dun mean sexually. But emotionally. Aiya. Worry so much for what. Chances of me even being in a r/s is lower than striking toto anyway. Ok la. Gnna change hairstyle soon

5.40pm - i am officially the happiest girl on earth. I've got my bangs nw and jenzson just helped me layer my hair blow dry until very very nice. :) he really is genius. Today we were all very chatty. Chatted with the girl and the other singapore guy. Lol. Very funny lor. plus, i bought chippy's fish and chips for meself! I cant be bothered to lose weight already lar. Ahhahhahahaha. I was in heaven eating the deep fried, crispy fish covered in salt and lotsa vinegar! Hoho. Now i can go home, no need to wash hair plus can sleep for as long as i want! Happiness. :) okie dokie. Shall wait for bus. I dun rlly care about him or any other guys alr. Shall drink green tea tmr to offset the fat intake today! Zomg. I rlly never regret la. Hahahahah... Hurrah!

10.30pm-just woke up from sleep. Slept at 7pm. Still groggy. Gahhh

10.45pm- sigh. there are 3 special men in my life other than my dad and bro.. Alb, nei and martin. Tmr nei's gg in le. Haiz. One less source of laughter.. Q scared he go in and so innocent until kenna bullied. Haha. Sure miss hanging with them.. Oh well. they rlly motivate me u know? While im thinking of them being so xin ku in there, i feel i should be.. Independent and mug hard. Like alb always tell me, 'hey, enjoy life for me hor' haahahhaah. Sigh.

Social detoxification

i need social detox! well, the thing is, i've been so busy this weekend, i feel completely lost! i can't sync my life with my brains. so, i just needed this social detox. well, i just realised that this weekend has been one where i felt like a sore thumb. like, friday's little india excursion? for once, i felt like i stood out, not really in a good way cus the thing is, i've always been the chinese that belongs to the majority of the society. and sometimes mocking the minorities. and now, for once, the roles are reversed and i am the minority! so, it was really a good wake up call to not take things for granted in life. especially as a majority. yeah. and also, this weekend, my life has been filled with more kpop stuff than i would ever have encountered in my entire life! the energy in the convention hall, the enthusiasm, the way people sang along to songs of a different language together, even just a bystander, i felt the unity and togetherness of the kpop community! i could feel the vibrance of the youths and even though i knew none of the songs (except clap your hands by 2ne1) before yesterday, i still shook my head and tapped my feet along to the tunes! hahaha! nah, i think i'll almost be a convert but i wont. i still love Train and archuleta too much to change to kpop.. but i'll embrace it. in fact, shall sync "clap your hands" the moment i can!

hmmm, so anyway, yeah.. i think over this weekend, i felt lost. partly since i knew J and yeah. i've been so hooked onto texting him, it scares me because i feel quite reliant on him leh. i dont think its healthy now. so i shall also stop seeing his fb. and also, i really need to re-discover myself. these weekends have been filled with fun activities with friends. so i need some me time. hahahahah! ok! so here are the rules to my social detox:

1. delete fb for 1 week. meaning, i'll re-instate it back on next sunday [omg! even after deleting for less than half an hour, im already quite sian when i refresh my email to find theres no notificatins]

2. shall not text unless texted to. [omgggggggg. i dunno if i can do this]

3. shall not msn for this period of time

ok la. simple right. fuck fuck. my online life is richer than my real life although these days, it seems to be the other way round and im lovin' it!

i shall allow myself to blog thru mobile since its my life. hmmm. yeah. so my free times shud be occupied with lotsa radio and schoolwork and reading, i hope!

I MUST DO THIS. because i've never stuck through ANYTHING through and through before. and i must do this. yeah. ok! and i shall decline all social outings for this week de weekdays also. ok! unless i already planned something like a mugging session and someone tags along. ok! shall zip now. omg. i feel empty already. ciao!

p/s: im super proud of the girls! they did really good today although they didnt clinch top 3, but hey! they were top 10!! :D

p/p/s: im stronger than i am. :D shudnt let a guy determine my happiness level.

Supercalifragilistically fun day today! PAH SU CHIAOW!

haha, today was the semi finals for the xiin and morgan for the Teenage kpop dance competition... and they FUCKING GOT INTO THE FINALS! omg! hahahah. it totally was worth it dragging my ass off my bed at 8.30am and then going to get kfc breakfast for them and waiting for 6 hours doing nothing waiting for the results. haaha. super tired. shall head to bed now!

p/s: i bought those wedges already! now is $20! lol!

p/p/s: well, i really hope things work out with J. haha. its been long since i found another person of the opposite sex who's so.. well, chemistry-ish with me. haha. its just a start, but hopefully .. i don't know. well, even if we cant be together or what, but friends is fine la. hahah. i just hope it isn't too good to be true lor. haha.. well, i shall bask in it for as long as it shall last then. no rush. :D

p/p/p/s: am pretty addicted to talking to him. hmmm.. be strong and independent babe! :D

My life thus far... November 5th

heyhey! this week has been pretty crazy! shall start from saturday!

Saturday to Sunday
last saturday went to stay at the majestic with morgan, claudie, xiin and nana. basically it was my first halloween and my first sleepover with the girls. so, earlier we headed to cold storage where we bought 5 quarters of watermelon to play the "compete in watermelon eating" race and we're supposed to keep the watermelon seeds and then spit them out. hahah. so we checked into the hotel. the staff were quite smug lor. they seem to despise the fact that we're just a bunch of giggling young girls! lol. asswhites. and also, the room was a lot more disappointing than the pictures! its like supposed to be 2 storey high but it turned out to be 1 storey only. well, then we just slacked alot while waiting for xiin to come back from school. watched amazing race and me and morgan kept remembering we wanna join amazing race! lol! then xiin came and we started by dressing up first. lol. then, we had morgan's aunt's suan pan zi while chatting. then we played truth or dare first.. hahaha. some of the dares v funny. like, one where nana had to salute the wall and sing national anthem. and another where we had to count the number of trees are on the wall! hahahah. then after that, we had our photoshoot. i was rady rara. morgan was princess. xiin was erriaryn the witch. nana was schoolgirl nana. claudie was jap girl. and timhong, who last min had to go china, was barbie hong. at first only me and xiin were enthu! then the rest just rested on the very very comfortable beds and then later, when it was morgan's and nana's and claudie's turn, it got more enthu! lol! after that, we played the ice cream game where claudie and morgan were blindfolded and they had to walk to xiin and nana respectively and feed them with as much ice cream as they can. in the end, we didnt differentiate the winner and we just kept eating and eating the really soft and yummy ice cream! ahaha! then the hotel called reminding us that only 2 people can stayover. so we had to hide xiin and nana while me and mor sent claudie to the mrt. we just walked out as though nothing happened and when we came back, we just pretended nothing happened. lol! we still talked very loudly saying, "waa! so tired. wanna sleep early tonight!" lol! then we watched some bimbotic show and decided to play the watermelon race where we had to chomp up the watermelon quarters and keep the seeds which we have to spit out and see who collected the most. in the end, we just ate the watermelon, captured that on film, and laughed and spit watermelon juice all over the robe! lol! then we played pringles race and i think morgan won uh. lol! or was it nana. lol! then we just camwhored with xiin's com. and then slept at about 4am after a lot of chatting and giggling and butt touching. lol! then woke up at 8am by xiin's alarm. we were planning to breakfast but we're all too sleepy. so we slept in. xiin left first cus she had school. after that, i left after drinking the really expensive coffee from the really expensive coffee machine... so aromatic! headed to school for lessons and yeah, fucking lecturer exceeded and went to 4pm.. 1 hour later than normal lecture. i was so pekchek lor. headed home and finally had a good rest!




hahaha, i can go and seduce megamind!

watermelon race!

pringles race!

Monday

haha, after lessons on monday, headed to yishun to meet nei ... then went to grand cathay to catch "the social network" with anita and hc! so long never see them already! it was a very food for thought movie! Jesse Eisenberg is really good! he reminds me of sheldon from big bang theory! talk super fast, super nerd.... hahah! cute! lol! but he also said alot of stuff that made alot of sense!

headed to eat billy bombers and we sat through anita's funny stories! super cute i tell u! about how people in japan ate each others buttocks as symbols of love! lol!!

after that, we headed to this photo gallery thing that was in front of grand cathay.. and it was super mind provoking again cus we had to figure out what the pictures meant! and took alot of stupid pics! hahahah :D im going to miss nathan alot when he goes into army. well, no matter what, he has always been my source of laughter! hope he'll do well in there :D

Tuesday

well, i wasn't supposed to have lessons on tues, but had to go back for pbf supp class. q useless i feel. but oh well, was supposed to go orchard with shyenne anyways. so after lessons, went to orchard with shyenne to get her hair dyed. jenzson was on leave, so have to postpone fringe cutting! lol! she dyed her hair to blondish with highlight on fringe! cool! lol! plus, theres a new guy and he's fuckin funny! lol! i read la bi xiao xin through the session. lol! after that, had yummy wanton mee but unfortunately, they ran out of sour plum juice! oh well. after that, went to buy my toner from etude house and we went home!

Wednesday

had lessons till 6.30pm. lol. got my econs assignment back. fuck. 45. :( sigh! guess have to work harder. after that, supposed to meet wileen at jurong point. so took train with derrick since his car got crashed. hahaha. damn nice to talk with him through the journey! and just realised he was the one who contributed to the lift at t22 at SB block! lol!!! then met wileen. for once, she was actually early!! and very much thanks to derrick, we figured our way to sakae which was very very very secluded lor! lol! damn funny to chat with her about brd days, about life now and about other ppls' gossips! she havent changed abit la!

love her to bits!

haha, hmm then thursday went to george's place to collect my management acctg notes from sp and then had dinner with fam. hahahaha, we were discussing about how to sure-win at a casino! lol!! hiak hiak hiak!

Friday (deepavali)

finally got to meet albsie welbsie again! this time we didnt go out randomly, but we had a mission to complete! lol! it was deepavali and we had to go get indian costume for him, for some tekong dinner thing! lol! headed to keypoint to eat astons then headed to arab street where we asked around if they sold indian costumes. then they said to go mustafa. well, then, we took a bus to potong pasir and took train to farrer park and went to mustafa. on the way, alb shared with me his ns stories. well, alb, im very proud of u. i couldnt stop beaming all the way. it got me to re-think about my life. really. so anyway, mustafa was very very crowded i'd say.. and luckily got alb with me.. cus alb was saying that alot of guys were staring at me. i wore shorts and singlet with a shirt.. idk leh. but well, i was q scared also. so reached mustafa and they chased us to another entrance and then another entrance and for once, i felt privileged entering a shopping mall in singapore! lol! entered, and we went upstairs, where the person told us to go downstairs. so climbed down and found this shirt. so we wanted to look for pants and the cashier told us to go upstairs and then we went there and told to go down for guys apparel. so headed down and we asked a random indian lady and she said we had to get the kind that had matching pant and top! lol! so we found it, and left the place. and alb paid for cab! lol! then dropped at petrol kiosk where we bought yummy ice cream! hahaha. best buddy forever dude!

yup. thats all, finally updated! phew!! gonna be more relaxing next week alr. time to catch up on studies!

the centre of my universe...

okay la, im really quite tired so i wont blog about halloween tonight. it was hell fun. my first time and really great one this year! shall blog about it when i get the time. so busy in school leh. hmmm, well after tonight, i've decided that.. i will let go. i know its impossible to move on any further and yet i've been harbouring hopes for the impossible. so... yeah. well, that means the spot where i place my hopes on, is empty again. but well, until someone special comes along, if not, i'll take over that spot for now. :D