monday.

7.13am - am on the way to school. last night was a long night. Really pretty torturous. Today's gnna be a long one. Had my period today. Its gonna be a painful one, i can feel it. But sometimes, it takes loads of blues in one life to truly appreciate the simple joys in life we take for granted. Was sitting on the toilet bowl, stoning.. when i heard the theme song of 'buo ying ren'. I just smiled and lip synced to it. I thought when i entered sim that im quite alone. i never realise i could get lonlier. Well, with alb being confined this weekend - hah, that boy. Dont know what to say about him la. Lol. Im not always very proud of him, but i kinda feel proud for what he did- and well, things going with reg.. Well. Thats life right? How human relationships can be so fragile huh! Which made me suddenly remembering what a nonsense but wonderful family i have. Yesterday was grandparents day (heard it over the radio). I miss ah gong and ah ma. i wished i was back to a decade ago, where i knew no matter how bad my day went, i could go home listening to my grandparents' very cute arguments over the smallest thing, my grandma's homecooked meal, listeningg to 'radio fusion', while i pay ah gong a visit in his room and he ask how am i and i just say im fine. Oh gosh, im about to cry in the train. I remember writing about that in my 作文 and getting first in school for it. I miss them. usually i'll wake up to a monday morning with a groan. Today, im glad i had my mum to wake me up.

Well, shirley lim. Brace yourself up! Ah gong and ah ma will be here to help u. Just need to believe it.

8.20am - well. In class already. Lots of thoughts ran through my head within the hour. Like suddenly, the cork has been unplugged from the bottle nose and everything's gushing out. I dont even feel like eating my fave food today. Actually, like emma said, im actually very blessed in alot of ways. I dont have to worry about my meals. I have this piece of thing in my hands to allow me to vent my frustrations

8.45am - i dont care what they say, but caffeine really makes the world a better place. sometimes, i wonder, what if one day.. What u always believed in, what you've put ur everything into, fails on you? What do you do? What will happen?

11.35am - lecture ended earlier today and my tummy hurts like mad. Fuck menstruation. Im currently in a safe place. In the library, hiding in one of the compartments. Remember what i said earlier about cherishing the moments? And all the small things in life? Well. Im reading about switzerland now. In the lib. I take comfort in looking at the alps. Rlly q torturous to go thru another 3 hours of lecture. Sigh. I guess i brought this uponmyself. Im back to being a coward once again. Hiding like an american ostrich. Thinking that if i hid my head in the hole and i cant see ppl hunting for me means no one rlly is. Sigh. I must be the most naive fool in the world. Look at u, shirley. Sigh. quite pathetic eh? I feel like crying again. So weak and stupid. oh goshhh. Maybe i shud have stayed alone. look at the people i've chased away. Sigh. I keep telling myself that 60 seconds of being upset means a minute of happiness that will never come back. I tried to smile. But it never stayed on. I feel very miserable inside. Yet, i cant tell anyone. Ok. Brace urself. Just 3 hours more to home. Where i can bury myself in my blanket and sleep all this away. Like an american ostrich. like a coward.

Guess im nt gonna think too much. Shirley, u can do it!