we're both pretty frustrated at this point of time and i know i've let u down through what i didn't tell u. These few months, i could feel us drifting apart and no one is to be blamed. Our txts get less and we once promise to never stop texting. And meeting. And eating fen yuans. And though we fought for only about 3 hours ago, i really miss u. I dont have the guts to msg u now because im scared to make u angrier. U rlly mean the world to me, y'know? All those words u told me really affected me deeply. Well. Remember i once did a blogpost and i tell u that should one day we drift apart, u go click on 'regina lim' under my tags and u'll find urself there? Well. i clicked it just now. I fucking hope this isnt the end. Maybe a pause. But not a stop. Fuck. I just.. U fuckin know how fuckin impt u are in my life can? Im really very sorry for this screw up. Well, anyway, here was the post i wrote to u...
"Dear Xiao Mao,
It's weird blogging about this while talking to you on msn nonetheless! haha. we met on our internship at mazars. i remembered thinking.. "waa. that girl so shy one ar..." and then we had our first lunch at lau pa sat.. and i thought i heard u say "ass hole" when u meant something else. i remembered the guy in front of u turned back and look at u! lol! then we laughed like mad. and then, ur true self was revealed. all the vulgarities and stuff! LOL! and then, we were attached to different areas.. but for the last 4 weeks, we were together again. and i remembered, soup spoon incident. where we happened to walk past soup spoon to lau pa sat.. and we both walk backwards without any communication... together because we saw the same hot guy! hahhaha! then we decided to eat there despite being fucking broke (actually, come to think of it, theres hardly any time in our friendship that i recall us being rich x:) we went in, and then i told u to hurry chope seats. but these few indian guys just took the seats from u saying 'its taken'. we were fuming mad cus we had to da-bao the expensive lunch back to office and miss oogling at SS guy.
and then, we actually talked about going clubbing together and booking a hotel. i thought it was all talk. and then, we really went to book a room in hotel 81.. and clubbed at st james for the very first time in my life, with lele. u forgot to bring ur IC and we went back to the hotel to get it. then at the entrance, we met J and wl. i remember we sat at the bar and we just ordered a lot and lele kept protecting us. we talked about everything. u spilled everything. i spilled everything about me. and we just laughed and drank and talked. then when we danced, we saw j and wl. and we exchanged numbers. we got back to the hotel.. where we shared the double bed and lele just slept on the sofa. but we couldn't sleep!!! we were sooo excited over j and wl! hahah! and then, j texted u.wl texted me. hahahh!!! remember, fwenx? HAHAHHA. we just giggled and laughed and just toooo high to even sleep although we're exhausted!
and then, during that time, we kept ebuddying about the colleagues at mazars. giving them nicknames.. and talking about MH and gab on ebuddy. and how we would go lau pa sat for lunch everyday eating ba chor mee and fen yuans. and when we were too broke to eat both, we just chose to eat fen yuans. for lunch! i remember my tummy just rumbling like mad for the rest of the day.
i thought the last day of internship would mark the end of our communication.. but we just grew stronger. we texted lame random stuff to each other everyday. we'll give each other nicknames.. and everyday, without fail, we'd be texting and then msn-ing. even up till today. the only times we didnt was when i was overseas.. or u were overseas. i loved shopping with u. though we're broke.. but we'd hang out at FEP and just looking at stuff and then will complain about being broke. and then, who can forget the times when we would purposely go back to lau pa sat just to eat fen yuans and remember the times when we'd sit at the super hot place, sweating and yet, can still talk about endless things! boys, r/s, shopping, friendship, family stuff and so on.. it never ends. somemore, we can ebuddy the entire day, text on the way home and go on msn and STILL have stuff to tell each other!
The highlight of our friendship was how we stuck on despite being in different class/ different cliques/ different everything! and how we were there for one another. when i had relationship ups, i'd share them with u. i thought u would be disgusted and sian... and somemore, i keep repeating the same stuff to you, whether its good or bad news... and you'll always be there! your replies would always be super supportive. no matter what. and remember kl? the days u and kl eye to eye and u'd message me. and i remember a period of time when my entire inbox was filled with stuff about kl! hahahha! and about seah seah. and mollie and mozzie. and i guess, ur inbox was filled with sly. i can always tell u EVERYTHING! no matter how stupid, how silly, how pathetic the thing im going to tell u is, whether its about the guy digging his nose in the mrt, or about my first kiss, my first date, my mum, my family... i'll turn to u first. because u never laugh at me. or u never give me one-word replies. u'll tell me how u feel. u'll comfort me. u'll assure me that everything is alright.
and remember the days we'd meet up for mugging sessions at esplanade library? and we'll always buy sushi and sit at the river and talk? and rmember the time where we both wore heels.. and even though our feets were killing us and we were scolding vulgarities from one end of cityhall to the next, we still insisted on going to the river! haha. and remember the days when we're too broke to go to mama's carribean .. we'll go to singapore river with a bottle of heinekein and talk and talk and talk. we never get sick of talking about the past. or gossiping. or just.. telling each other how we truly felt.
we have been super sticky to each other like glue before.. we have also drifted apart before.. and we both were scared then.. we promise to not drift apart and we both know that we're very important to each other. your place in my heart and my place in your heart (as u've reassured me before) has surpassed boyfriends and sweethearts. no one will ever understand how we feel for one another. i tell u things i never dare tell anyone. i tell u the darkest feelings i've felt that were so unethical, if i said it, i'd go to hell for it. but with u, it just comes out...
i don't know how often we'll bump into each other like in SP times.. where we see each other and we'll give the "bunz" sign. or we just look at each other and give the lame smile. with our tight schedules and new friends, i dont know where ur friendship will take us to. we swear to never drift apart but we both know that in reality, theres still a possibility. but we're both fucking scared to the max that this will happen... haha. but baby, no matter what happens, as long as u need a listening ear, im here. i know that, we've been less and less close as compared to mazars time.. but i'll definitely still be there when u need me. haha! u know my number! as cliche as it sounds, i hope we'll be friends forever because there is no way i'm going to find another girl like u who will know me so well and accept me for who i am despite seeing all and every single of my flaws. so, thank you for being there bunz.
as i always say, "i love you (in an unlesbian way)".
yours truthfully,
xiao niao.
p/s: i tagged this post under your name. if ever ever ever u feel down and im away.. read this ba. and if ever u miss me, u can read this. and if ever i feel im drifting from you, i'd read this too! hahaha. [: love ya"
I rlly hope we can start over. Yup. Xiao niao..
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