Sigh. really fucking hate pms. super duper makes me a nasty person to be with lor. i started the day feeling really fucking fucking blue and depressed. plus the weather was so gloomy. i mean, i've got nothing to look forward to anymore. definitely not as much as i did in SP. like, i feel, almost nothing. and so, i whined to albsie and reggie. she's working so no replies. but albsie, well, he's a true buddy indeed. sorry leh. cus i was really almost crying in the train. over nothing. its just that, i really wanna go for the camp because i feel like im suffocating in my own world. i feel like going to have some fun but it crashes with my bridging. and since 1 year's stuff is squeezed into 1 month, missing out 3 days is like missing out 3 weeks of lessons. and im scared i fail because it really does shave off 1 year. and if i fail, let's just say that my parents and relatives will be even more disappointed in me. although my parents never say it, but i can feel that they are a tad disappointed that i couldn't make it to SMU. so, i really need to prove it to them that i can excel and it was because i was lazy and having too much fun in SP that i didn't do well enough to get into smu. so, i've been working hard lor. i tell u, even for the first 2 weeks in SP, i never even do my tutorials/ revision EVERY NIGHT. and now, although we're into the 2nd week in SIM, but i'm doing my tutorials every night and revising. although i still make mistakes.. but yeah. and the thing is, i am not even mugging reluctantly. it just feels like the inner muggertoad that has been buried by tons of fun and defiance has emerged. and im like tying my hair and actually ENJOYING doing my math homework last night. honestly, the first chapter was just a re-cap and it felt fuckin good to do the homework effortlessly and get the answers all correct. but the thing is, apart from studies and my very-much-thinning social life, i really haven't got alot to look forward to. i know, i've been saying that i like this guy right. and i think its part of pms. pms, is like fart. a small spark into the fart, and it becomes a big fire.
well, last night i was talking to an old friend whom i got to know frm icq a long time ago. we've been chatting on/ off and he's from denmark. very funny guy. and i told him about the sim foc/ bridging thing. gosh. he said, we should just have as much fun as we can while we leave. he said he thinks that i've always been too serious about things. he's 25 and he said when he was my age, he was wayyy crazier than he is now. and he thinks he's crazier than me now. ]: wished i could be so carefree and not think so much. but he lives in goddamn europe. and they drink beer after an exam. i just.. have dinner and watch movie. i wanna drink also. realised it has been ages since i had any pubbing session. now that drinking queen is back in singapore.. omg [= awesome. feel like pubbing. but anyway, on that train, i just look at my life now and realise, how i wished, i could breath fresher air. i was SOOO close to just crossing the platform, headed to the airport and get an air ticket to switzerland. i dont even mind travelling alone lor. in fact, i will definitely travel alone once in my life. hopefully to switzerland. but u know, theres 3 things holding me back:
1. my family.
2. my really good friends.
3. my future.
if i just ran away now.. i'd be happy for a while. right? what about the rest of my life? well, i might as well save up.. which i already am.. and maybe i can take swiss lessons also. then, go maybe on an itinerary. idk. i just felt damn damn damn depressed and emotional. just feel like.. if i died, no one will miss me? that kinda feeling. it truly sucks. hopefully, its just me. and my pms. super hate pms. u know, thanks albsie for the words of encouragement. i guess i needed a nice, good stroll. like the one i took home. and friends. oh well lar. i shall go off first. im going to blog about my day on the next post. not gonna mix all that good things with negativity. ciao.
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