tuesday went to watch "Despicable Me" with the usual. omg. the first reason i watched it, was because there was steve carrell in it! how can i not support Michael Scott?! hahaha!but then, OMFG. ITS REALLY DAMN CUTE AND HILARIOUS. I FUCKING DONT MIND WATCHING IT AGAIN. the minions, the children... will just make you smile. its going on the top of my list of "movies that makes me smile". hahahah! i seriously ... wanna get into that world of.. minions and high-pitched talking! haahhahaha!
wednesday, went to have buffet at heerens, called kiseki. the food's ok la, but alot of variety. but the waffles are AWESOME!!!!!! rushed to make adeline a "remember singapore" giftpack. i was making the "read this if u miss singapore" book. hahahhaha. took me a whole night, plus half the econs lecture, pasting the pictures into the book. hahaha! but i really enjoy scrapbooking. just that, it takes a lot of time and money. gahh. but oh well, all's good.
today, after school, we went to send adeline tan off to australia.. though i was joking and jesting... i felt pretty emotional especially when i saw her family members crying and hugging her and waving goodbye. now this is where im going to start my emotional blogpost. i even muted 987fm to blog properly. really, theres a fact that cannot be denied, as i grow older, the ability of me multitasking just goes downhill.
*****************************************
last night when i came home from kiseki. i just.. thought to myself... "wow. adeline's going to be sleeping in a different bed tomorrow night..."and i put myself in her shoes. i almost cried. though it wasn't even me who's flying off. but also, im about to embark on a journey where i am not sure of whats popping out when i turn the corner. i just feel that, wow.. a part of our class have left. yeah, although she'll be back in december, but the fact remains is... adeline going to australia just shows us the reality that people are moving on, whether i like it or not. willie's going to army at month end.. this also shows.. he's moving on. our class - DAC/3B/04, slowly branching out and into the lifes that no longer revolves around SP. our lives are slowly becoming less of a concern to people who used to be once upon a time. although i've clearly experienced this kinda things more than once in my life, with primary school and secondary school.. but its different for me now. i feel so.. attached to SP that its sad that im slowly becoming the few left hanging on dearly onto the happy life i once led. ever since i've entered SIM, i thought that i have managed to let go. but i still have that one pinky, holding onto the ledge on this.. cliff. but as i saw adeline leave just now, its like a needle popping that bubble of facade i've been holding on to. yes, shirley, time to get back on the ground. but i still wanna live in that bubble. the happy bubble. not this, real, mortifying ground. but just carry on floating in that bubble. where.. i had the ocassional crush.. where because i had friends i knew i could rely on, i wasn't afraid of taking risks. where, there were times i was alone, but i never felt lonely. when the sun sets, reality will set in and we need to move on...
fuck growing up.
fuck adulthood.
fuck having to take responsibilities.
fuck having to feel guilty for having fun.
fuck for smiling because i dont want people around me to frown.
fuck for not being able to be real because society hates people who are real.
fuck for wanting to be real but just cannot.
and fuck for always having dreams that seem impossible to fulfill judging by how many people will be implicated because of my actions.
fuck having to see people living my dream while i can only sit here and wish.
fuck people who thinks im lazy/coward because i just made the above comment.
fuck people who don't understand the complications involved.
fuck life for being complicated.
or in other words,
fuck me for having no balls and too much conscience.
another thought while i saw adeline walking through and into the departure hall, despite the tears and sadness (btw, i thought adeline was very very brave for not crying and breaking down. because, if it was me, i wouldnt allow ppl to send me off. because i know that if they do, i will change my mind about leaving)... the only thought in my head was "how i wished i was there, in her shoes" right now, especially after the holidays, u have no idea how much i would want to start my life on a clean slate. develope a brand new identity. choose the character i wanna be again. go to a land where no one knows me. and be a new person. i even said out loud, "look at adeline, starting a new life ahead.. and me? im stuck in SIM." i could imagine my feelings. though i would be emotional, but thinking of waking up to a brand new place, with a brand new life i can create .. is just soo... blood-rushingly exciting! its so.. "i wanna make my life worthwhile" mentality. plus, australia IS the land of hawt guys in board shorts and cute smiles. also the land of hot bikini babes. imagine the dudes adeline's gonna meet! hahahah! i would like to try to lead my own life by my rules (without parental guidance) and see how far i can go! i wanna be my own parent! how i crave for that day!
ok.. moving on to the next topic. that day, i was listening to desiree lai.. and there was this girl who called in saying she's really sad cus she lost a friend. turns out, she became gf/bf with her best friend, and they broke up and now, they can't be together. well, i've decided to never ever tell winnie how i feel. i cannot afford to lose this friendship. i'd rather be single lor. i'd rather see him get a better girl anyway. unless circumstances change, but highly likely, i will never confess. i'll prolly rant to the usual people, but other than that, nope.. no chance.
well, let's just say that another friend has bit the dust of singletondom! less and less people on the shelf. and im clearly the can of soup placed right at the back of the shelf, so unless someone makes an effort to climb the ladder, stretch in and get me, if not, i'll be on that shelf forever in that same spot, and always being placed behind newer and fresher cans of soup until i expire. and then, i'd be discarded into a dustbin and be recycled to be the wall of some house. not complaining.. just observing.
and i need to scold myself for one of the above posts - how can i complain that "i'm only in SIM" when so many other children out there don't have a chance for education. shame on me.
im just having alot alot alot of thoughts. haha.. its drowning me alot. hahaha. guess i'd better treasure my frienships before they also bite the dust.
a quote i came up with and am proud of:
"there are many times in life when we don't need to be at an airport or a funeral to know that the people around us have already left our lives. "
ciao.
p/s: omg! tingfang getting all hyped up for SIM's summer school programme (Cus she recently found out they have programmes in korea) is getting me eggcited about me being able to go holland (and wear oranje/blow vuvuzuela) or London (maybe can meet Sam, my very old online friend from london. he's not old. our friendship is. met him frm sec school and we're still in touch!). yay! hope it will come true cus most likely not travelling outta the country this year. o.o its a draught for me. ]:
No comments:
Post a Comment