Crisis

nope, not the economic crisis, but shirley's crisis. in the past, i wanted to lead a colourful life so that i can show it off on facebook. slowly, i realise that this colourful life became MY life. and facebook show-off-worthy or not, i just cannot lead a life without friends. especially friends i know im truly close with off the internet. so its not just facade purpose. i used to take pictures even with people im not close with just to be showy-offy. but now, im taking pictures because i've realised how important memories are considering how fast people change and the friendships you thought would last you a lifetime, probably would disappoint you in the end, so you've only got photos left to remind you how good it felt while it lasted. yeah. i've slowly learnt thats how life goes. even the closest poly friends have drifted. even the closest secondary school friends have drifted. and what more can i say about uni friends? so, the lesson learnt is to bask in the moment and treasure it while it lasts. you know why my msn status is always set to busy? haha. last time martin and nei and adeline loved to keep nudging me and soon, we found out that putting it to busy would not allow the nudging to disturb our work. lol. so it has slowly become a habit and now, i cannot adapt to changing it back to being online.

i still cannot stop missing SP life. i walk alone to school alot. but these few weeks will bump into some people .. so it isnt so bad. plus theres music. and also, since mondays are starbucks mondays, it really helps alot. a hearty breakfast and a rich cup of coffee is always the cure to monday blues. i'll never forget the days when the road to school was so noisy and fun. everytime i think back, i just become numb. because i have a half an hour break in between, i never have the time to have proper lunch with wint. have to hastily grab sandwich and go to lecture hall to eat it. sigh. in the past 3 years in poly, i've never eaten lunch alone. never. for a moment, i forgot how to be alone. i guess, this is it. we learn more than knowledge in uni, huh. look at other ppl's uni lives, so happening, so fun. and mine? just average. but luckily, i've managed to make a couple of friends in my lectures.. and its quite fortunate i have someone to sit with and talk to in all my lectures. haha! slowly, im getting used to it. i smile from within when i walk alone along the corridors. i no longer feel sad.. but just .. alright lor. lol.

i guess thats why i have been pretty reliant on a certain someone to make my day. but its not gonna work. im just in delusion. i guess i just needed to find a sanctuary i can hide in where i know i'd be all smiles. but im 20. not 2. if i've managed to survive last time and watched movies alone.. why can't i do this? i hope its just the road to recovery from a lost of backbone. haha.

im fine. no need to console me. i just needed an avenue. slowly, i stop comparing myself to others because we're all different. i wished that could be a way to just have facebook only with my pictures, without the updates of other peoples' lives. haha. silly shirley. okay la, im going to read eat, pray, love. hopefully it's wayyyy better than the movie. :D namaste.