im a clown.

you know what? I realise that being in a denial is alot more tiring than i thought. And the worse thing is, its redundant. I don't need a guy to make me feel happy.. To feel whole. I just make myself think i need one because i just feel like it. in fact, i dont. And being so over the top with him, i feel like a clown. Like a clown trying to please a tough crowd. And im not backing out because im giving up. Im just putting a stop to fairytales and pushing myself back to reality because theres so much more to life than romantic love. I have a backbone and im using it to stand alone. I mean, im only human and of course, from time to time, i'll be thinking of him and fantasizing about what life would be if we had our happy ending. But, whats the point of living my life believing it IS really happening when it clearly is not. Haha. Stupid, am in socio class and have made a decision because i did a really stupid thing ytd. Well, sometimes i hate it when im too logical. Life is so not fun!