life is a standstill now. im leading a life even more stagnant than the water at the bottom of my flower vase (just kidding, NEA!) but yeah, u get it. its 2 weeks into school now. when i'm in school with people, i become me. the joking, chatty, alright girl. but then, its the rest days that makes life at a standstill. i know im supposed to use the free time to study, do my homework, rest, exercise.. make my life better. but thing is, i dont know how to get started. im still pretty much stuck in poly mode still. time passes soooo fucking slowly. i have no drive to do anything. not even blogging. all i do is watch family guy, watch movies, watch brother bear, watch shrek, watch diary of a wimpy kid.. go to school.. wait for people to msg. wait for someone to talk to me on fb. wait for things to happen. whatever happened to my life? omg. i admit, im pretty much of a wreck. i just can't seem to get anything straightened out. omg, for goodness sake! i was an editor of the yearbook! gosh.
every week, i tell myself. ok, this is the last week to get wasted. time to pull your socks next week and start it out. and then it lapse back into this lazy-person mould. so lazy. so unmotivated. so useless. my brain feels like, its been kept in the attic under dusts and cobwebs. and now, its pretty hard to get the engine moving. omg.
im at this point of life where i wished for. having off days in a school week. starting uni. made a couple of friends. omg. fuck. other than that, i have nothing going on! i havent felt so free for so long. in poly, there were periods of weeks or months where i didnt even eat dinner with my family for 2 weeks in a row! i've had days where work (proper work, like editting.. not schoolwork) piled up so high, i felt so good and useful and efficient and i just wanted to work. and omg. i sound like a 60 year old who just retired. im just about to begin life. is this how im going about it?! gahhh.
i wanna put my life back where i had control over it. and not the other way round! sigh. do i really wanna lead my 20s in regret?! really? omg. what is wrong with me? i need booze. i need to club. i do hope we can club tmr. i need to hit the reset button. and clubbing usually does it.
well, shirley, u've always wanted to know what would happen if you didnt do anything about your life? well, nothing happens. nothing happens...
so, i asked this on SP and i will ask it here:
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