well, to be honest, i'm not feeling that school re-opening is all bad. i feel that my life has a structure once again and im feeling normal. able to blog. able to think properly. able to function while being alone. unlike the days when i was jumping from job to job, or during holidays, it just feels that my life didnt have a structure. but now, at least i know i have a routine to stick to for the next couple of months to come. hmm, maybe i really am cut out to be an accountant. so rigid and all. i guess i just missed having a routine + laughter in my life. yeah. perfect formula. haha.
actually, who am i to complain about life? i'm only 20 (i guess its an age many grown ups wanna return to) and i am about to embark on a promising education. i still have my good friends around me. i have a good and proper family. i have a clean bill of health. what more should i complain about huh? im really lame. yeah, so what if my life cannot be as noisy and fun as it used to... and cannot be compared to others. well, but i do lead my life, so i guess it has to be my way.
the thing is, i havent been aware of it until now that.. actually although i used to say that im independent on my own and can make myself happy.. well.. im wrong. my smile consists of my friends, family.. especially my darling boomzers, reggie and welbsie. they all make me. thats why, when they slowly become more detached (but still in touch) from my life, i slowly fell apart.. yup. time to pick myself up. think of the greater good i guess. i'll try my best to hang on. but maybe, like the kite theory, the only way for it to fly higher, is to let go.
well, thats what i did with the guy i like. well, truth be told, i still like him. but sometimes, i wonder if i really do because i like him as him, or because he was the only guy suitable in my life. if its the latter, i'd rather not tell him anything. but at this point of my life, as much as i wished i had a Mr Right, my friends and families far outweigh having a boyfriend. and i really like him alot but our precious precious friendship is so so important to me, i can never ever think what i would do without it. let's just say, he is one of the reason i am strong and smiling today. :) so, i've decided. i want him to be happy. and if being with me makes him happy, of course it is the best la. but if being with someone else who loves him makes him happy, i'll smile for him too. :) i've decided. i know, on lonely nights like tonight, i will look back and wished i had told him. but overall, no regrets. ahah. i'll never wanna be the cause of anyone's misery. lol! and i don't know if its sheer coincidence, but they're playing "i'll be there" on class95 (slowly, i feel mr young's section abit irritating. especially the celebrity's birthday phonecall segment). so, yup. to whom it may concern,
"I'll reach out my hand to you, I'll have faith in all you do
Just call my name and I'll be there
I'll be there to comfort you,
Build my world of dreams around you, I'm so glad that I found you
I'll be there with a love that's strong
I'll be your strength, I'll keep holding on
Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness, well that's all I'm after
Whenever you need me, I'll be there
I'll be there to protect you, with an unselfish love that respects you
Just call my name and I'll be there
If you should ever find someone new, I know he'd better be good to you
'Cause if he doesn't, I'll be there
Don't you know, baby, yeah yeah
I'll be there, I'll be there, just call my name, I'll be there..."
so yup. i guess, im pretty much prepared to walk on la. :)
p/s: i fucking hope i can club on childrens day! omg. with martin out and be able to club with anita. =D AWESOME!
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