sigh. Once again, after a fallow period in my love life, im in love once again. But i suppose its one sided. Sigh! everytime i'm with you, it seems like my worries are casted aside and we could just chat and laugh as though we didn't have problems of our own. I will miss you when you are away. Sigh. 2 weeks without your virtual existence. Sigh. i really wanna tell u how i feel. Everytime im with u, i feel like im gonna explode any moment. But this isnt like with sly or brandon. This time, i have to take into account the beautiful and precious friendship we've cultivated for so long. Maybe, if granted, i just wanna be ur girlfriend for a night. Sigh. I want u to be happy. But im pretty sure you won't be happy with me. So i'd rather not be with u. But, im rlly seriously going to explode anytime soon. I wished u could like me first. :( i promise to not get attached or tangled into any relationships as long as u are single. Sigh. Somehow i wished u were reading my blogpost so you can take a chance on me? U probably think im asking u because im desperate. But no! Im already so used to being single, staying unloved for another ten years wouldnt have done any difference to me. But i rlly want you. Just you.. Not anyone else. I rlly have stopped oogling at hawt guys and stuff because every single day, my head is filled with u. I wonder if i ever crossed your mind because for me, it happens all the time. I would say i've noticed you seem to have taken a change when it comes to interacting with me. U seem nicer and more polite.. But maybe im just overthinking. Sigh! Fate, god, whoever who takes charge of my life, either let him become attached or let him be mine? Its quite agonizing. But at the same time, being in this denial is.. Hopeful. Its alot worse than knowing if he actually loves me. But its alot better than knowing he does not. Please let him tell me he loves me. I'm willing to stay broke for a long time. I might even be willing to exchange my chance of travelling arnd the world for this. Sigh. Just, let him love me back, for once in my life, let my feelings be reciprocated? oh well. I guess, between now and then, till i see you again, i'll be liking (i dont wanna underuse the word love yet) you, love, me.
I know the last time, i said i wont wanna be in a relationship for the next 6 months in order to pass bridging. And am willing to exchange love for grades. Sigh. But these 20 years, there have never been once where the man i love loves me back. Only once when i thought it happened and he turned out to be a jerk. Ok, and another time, but also a jerk. Maybe, give me once? i really really wish he would be my first and last.
Sigh! Back to the books. Ciao.
SIGH!
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