how stupid can i get?

sigh. To be honest, i never felt the true pressure of uol up until now. Sigh. Was doing MA tutorials and i have learnt this before in ng eng poh's or michelle lee's class before. But now, i've completely forgotten and i took an hour to do what was seemingly an easy question compared to the exams i took and got 'b' for. What the fuck. I've changed. Im terribly terrible ashamed of myself. Today, i sat beside this guy i didnt know. During lecture, his phone rang and he went out via emergency stairs to pick his phone up and he cant enter (its those doors u can go out but cant get in kind?) and well, i saw him leave and i noticed he was locked out and so did the guy sitting on the other side of him. The other guy laghed to his friend and i laughed too, not helping and still copied my notes away. Wtf is wrong with me? Omg. Im fucking ashamed. In the past, i would have walked up and helped open the door. And i just sat there and laughed? And not helped. Wtf is wrong. Gahhhhhh. Im so angry leh. I burnt in shame. I mean, wtf. Really. I've changed. Im now, cowardly, boring and average. I've became the person i thougt i would be when i entered poly. Guess god gave me a little time out in poly before banishing me back into the average life i used to be in. Im a nobody in sim. If i died, i think only wint and shyenne would notice?? I realised i had no cca. Ya. Fuck. Feel like working.. but have realised because i havent been revising, the work load's piling. SIGH! Fuck my life.