im supposed to be packing for my shanghai trip but i'm checking my phone every 15 minutes. maybe he has already moved on. maybe the 11pm timeslot which used to belong to me, already belongs to someone else. well. im not gonna tweet emo stuff on twitter already because i think the whole world probably has it with me. really hate it now. i mean, 2 more days till i fly. and i just.. hope he will change my mind and prove me wrong. stupid stupid shirley. entering into this world that never belonged to me. yeah. i really really miss him. suddenly today, i just kept recounting and retracing the footsteps we took together. and it made my heart heavy. i probably sound like the neediest bitch ever lived. but i really miss him. i plan to take this time in shanghai to sort my life out. plan for 2011. plan a 2011 without dates and men. i dont think i can go through another round of this. perhaps, this is really karma. for ever having done that to jeraine. i just really wondered, how much i mattered to him? do i still have a place?? or am i just.. someone to fill up his time in between girlfriends? arghhhh. im seriously thinking that im going mad. i promised to give myself 2 days of being in denial. yet, its making me feel worse than i usually feel. do i even worth anything not? its agonising. sigh. well, 2 more days till shanghai. good riddance. i know my friends are always there.. i feel that me going away can let them take a breather from all my silliness.
i promise that when i come back, i will be strong.
but now, i just really miss him. my heart feels like someone twisted it. gahhhh.
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