its ironic (wait a minute, since when am i NOT ironic?) how i have been so stifled in singapore and wishing for a chance to fly out of here. and now im presented with this opportunity and i'm like, all missing home even before i fly. missing my friends, missing my dad, missing my life... i really wonder, how the fuck am i going to become a wanderluster if this keeps up? somemore its only 10 days. so, yeah. i better be more independent! but theres so much love here, its so fuzzy and nice to stay. and also, this time i go.. when i come back, i need to execute the changes i told myself i would. and i honestly, can't bear to. but, i really hope to come back the kind of person i aimed to become. but you know, how fickle minded i can be! hahaha. pathetic la, actually. i wished i had more will power.
its just that, over this month or so, i realise there were so many people around me who cared and actually, many people have asked me to hangout during these 10 days! and i want to! hahaha. u see, everytime i promise myself that i'll change for the better with some sort of reward in mind, i always always cave in halfway and immediately aim for the reward. blah! rlly pathetic.
just in case this will be my last blogpost for the year, i'm just gonna say a few things about 2010.
this year has been.. an eye opener. i thought it couldn't top last year cus last year was when i had many many firsts. but this year, it felt long and short at the same time. time seem to pass slower than last year but at the same time, i don't feel that i have lived this year at all. be it the happy moments or the sad moments, somehow i feel that i haven't experienced it yet. though i've laughed and cried.. i feel external eh. im just not in sync with my life. not really sure how to elaborate.
the first half of the year was spent capturing the last moments in SP. i cant believe i was still a poly student in the first half of the year. it is as unbelievable as i was in the start of the year, how i can become a uni student by the end of the year. this year began with loads and tons and plenty of outings with my poly friends. going out almost everyday after school. chionging studies. mugging sessions almost every week. when it was nearer to the exams. so much outings to the point where i took them all for granted. then exams ended and i thought it would be fun to join universal studios. it was a happy start but it just showed me the true colours of some people and it turned out to be the worst job thus far. and then i joined kelly services. its a pretty extreme job. i had privileges that require me to just sit down and ocassionally handing out fliers but mainly just gossiping with my colleague. and then i had jobs where i had to stand at the entrance the entire day for 4 days greeting people and being told, "whatever floats your boat". but of course i learnt alot. and then bridging began. and we went as a big group of SP students. saw joan and shyenne then but then, we called joan the "red bull girl" cus of the amount of red bull she drinks. but yeah. bridging to me was like.. whizzing past. i cant remember much except for all the snacking and gossipping. i remembered around this time that i felt really low and depressed about the transition. of how in my entire 3 years in poly, i never walked to school and back alone. and now, im doing it alone and it felt lonely. i remembered crying looking at SP. then we kept meeting with the guys before they headed to army. and then i got my job at MOM where it snapped me out of being depressed! every single day, lunch hour was the best. we laughed and laughed and ate the best food in chinatown. the big group of temps just became so close we hang out together often. even during working hours, it was so fun .. sometimes walking about to disturb each other. always checking faxes together. then going home together. and then, MOM let us go and school began. then managed to make friends in socio on the first day with wint and wei xia and eileen and hui lin. then monday became the least blue day of all for me. then in pbf, gotta know shyenne, who introed joan and jocelyn in. and we began mugging together and stuff. then in MA, stuck with poly friends who helped one another when answering questions. and in ME, studied it with derrick, who is like a gorgor to me, forever guiding me.. then my birthday, which was a very very pleasant surprise for me! had 3 different celebrations. but all very very meaningful. especially the surprise one at deliziosio. then well, from then till now, it has been one fucking roller coaster ride. my emotions went from so-so, to being extremely high, to being extremely low and even now as im typing this, its still pretty.. roller coaster-ish.
of course, i always say that i wouldn't be me without my friends. especially regina, albert, lorr, nathan, emma, morgan, xiin, nana, ade tan, anita, hong choo, martin, chantel... and the list goes on. for being there.. just sometimes listening to my nonsensical ramblings. sometimes, i might have made the mistake before and im making it again and they just keep listening patiently and advising me patiently. without a trace of impatience. for being there. for listening to me cry. for msging loong messages. for the words of encouragement that meant so much. for putting the smile back when it couldn't find its way back. for all the fun, all the laughter, all the joy. my 20th year living as shirley lim, is definitely a worthwhile one! really really mean it.
physically, i havent lost or gained any weight this year. lol. in between i gained some but i lost it. and vice versa. im not any prettier, but my hair sure is one big change too. i've started taking care of my skin by using toner and moisturizer and even facial masks once in a while. also started using hair mask. also started green tea diet. also using body cream. i got one more pair of piercings. i got a tattoo this year. i started painting my nails alot more often than not. i also rely less on nail salons.. esp since the one at my place closed down! i still had 2 more sessions in my package!! im wearing alot more "high" shoes. my dressing toned down alot. no longer going wild but turning more to basics. makeup now is a necessity. its a second skin. without makeup, or at least basic makeup, i feel very naked. im waxing my legs on a weekly basis. threading eyebrows on a monthly basis. yupp. this year sure has been an improvement.
love wise, i began the year with no one.. then brandon came and go. and then came back again but i rejected him. now, thats one pride i take ok? cus i never eat backward grass and also, he's so selfish. then it was benny, who was sooo nice to me and as alb said, he delivered his heart on a gold platter and i rejected. i really couldn't like him romantically because.. i just cant. and then theres ben. still an ongoing dilemma to be honest. but well.. i guess.. it isn't gonna be under this category for long ba. afterall, im pretty much a jinx in this bgr world. after going through so much, i really ought to learn my lesson. haha. be stronger. be wiser. be more independent.
studies wise, it is in a BIG MESS now. and fuck studies now la. wtf. im now a diploma holder, so thats one big change from the start of the year. and well.. with any luck, a uni grad the year after next?
money wise, im still BROKE! every single year, im broke. but this year, i've stopped asking for money from my parents. so i feel justified to be broke. i do have a savings meant for my wanderlust. but for december, i had to dip ALOT into it because i was soooooo bankrupt. i swear to top it back up. and i have cut down on ALOT ALOT of shopping. im now having shopping sprees once in a few months? fuck. and i buy basics. and goshhh. yeah.
well.. this year has overall been good. i have been through the most exciting bits of my life this year. and felt the emptiest this year. i felt the most loved this year and i also felt like shit for being the heartbreaker this year.
oh ya! heres my resolution for 2010, lets see what i have accomplish..
Shirley's Resolution as of 27th March 2010
1. always set priorities right. whatever that has to be done first, will and must be done first. -well.. erm. hmmm. i dont think i've fulfilled this judging at how i treat my studies as of late.2. be committal. i am always the first to wanna try things, but i never ever stick of the end of it. eg. driving, wearing contacts.. failed. driving.. well, still having a phobia. contacts - too ex and my eyes are too dry. hmm. i havent been very committal this year. perhaps to my friends? hmm. i need to revaluate this next year.
3. read the papers everyday. at least be in touch with current affairs. fail! at first i did and slowly, esp when i went to uni... gahhhh. pathetic. must reinforce next year!
4. write at least 2 topics on public blog. about anything. well, public blog's pretty dead. and besides, i rarely have the vibes to write something un-personal. but yes, i will brush up on my writing.
5. read up more on politics. maybe get an issue of forbes/times etc fail. but joining soulpancake has given me alot of political stuff i need to know.
6. set $50 at least aside as savings every month. kinda pass? cus i do save $80 a month but... alot goes off as emergency spending. e.g top up ez link card
7. give 10% of whatever salary to parents. start practising this habit..fail. because i dont have enough for self..
8. stop any online dating. fuck them all. defintely one big failure. should reinforce this next year.
9. for at least 4/7 days a week, must sleep by 11pm max. fail. its 3.45am now. point proven.
10. can only buy books after reading those have already bought. fail! in fact, it got worse because i still love buying books but i only end up re-reading bridget jones and diary of a wimpy kid.
11. pick up a new skill. pass! i learnt beatboxing!
12. at least 3 times a week must do cardiovascular activities. fail! unless, messaging is a form of cardio, if not, fail.
13. change hairstyle. pass. lol! rebonded hair!
14. must have at least 1 day a month, where i go out on my own. just on my own. fail. right now, i feel needy. the neediest in my recent memory.
15. learn to cook a new dish every month! and blog abt it! fail. but, i will next year. good one to keep.
16. finish reading the twilight series. fail. but am proud to fail it. have better things to do.
17. start watching a new drama serial (glee? gossip girl?) pass! big bang theory!
18. get a tattoo. wee~ i can say with dignity and pride, PASS. AND DEFINITELY NOT A PASS I WOULD IMAGINE MYSELF GETTING AT THE START OF THE YEAR LOR. (thanks, reggie)
19. club at least 2 more times before the year ends! WEE~ PASS! HAHAHA! shall keep this also for next year.
20. try a new club! PASS! supper club. which made me treasure st james.
21. be the fashionista i used to (in my opinions) be! hmmm.. fail cus im like quite boring eh, these days. but i bought maxi dress this year and dared to wear it. so hmm. ok la.
22. get the goddamn national geographic book! fail. :( am embarrassed esp as a wanderluster.
23. complete L4d2 maps in normal mode. fail. in fact, i only l4d2-ed once this year. fail.
24. be purely happy for people. and not tinted with envy. just pure happy. pass! i dare say. these days, ya, i have my bitchy side. but right, im mostly sincere when i say im happy for someone.
25. go back to yoga? fail. i want to! i'll try geylang serai cc next year.
26. cycle to changi village from ecp at least 2 more times! fail. but have cycled more than once this year!
27. rent a damn car and drive arnd sg just for the fun of it! fail. refer to above. but i have attempted, hor? alb!
28. discover more fun stuff to do in sg. im pretty sure there are more than what i think there is. hmmmmm. fail? what new and fun stuff have i done?
haha. so its mostly fail. but a couple of accomplishments there! shall think of new resolutions in shanghai. and i really need them. but #1 will be, to be strong. and not a weakling anymore. yup. okay la. v late. shall sleep. and well, i hope i'll be able to blog again before the year ends. if not, adios!! i'll change blog for the new year. will link you guys up, dun worry. merry xmas in advance to those reading and.. i hope my blog has helped u somehow eh. (:
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